I got angry and Wife and I had argument. I let her know I was NOT happy about infidelity and felt she betrayed us and used as an excuse to break up our relationship. She said she had been gone emotionally for some time and if it wasn't that she would have found something else. I reminded her she admitted last week she really didn't want to work on counseling 5 years ago. She said yes because she never saw a behavior change on my part. I reminded her there was some change. She said not enough and then she started to shut down emotionally. My coach says anger is not bad because it shows people still care about each other or they wouldn't bother. Later last night she asked to talk to me and was upset about the argument because daughter 9 had heard it. I apologized and said that was not my intent at all, but I just needed to make sure she understood I do NOT condone or approve of what she is doing, that I know she wants out and I want to make it work, that I know she wants me to move on to other people which is what she believes she is doing, but that's not how I'm made. I can't do that because I know I have to work on myself before I can be in any relationship and that I was sorry that she didn't know that about me or feel that because of my poor behavior in the bedroom, but that is truly me. She started to tear up a bit and I smiled at her. She smiled back. I asked "are you going to see him again." She said he is still in the area until Tue and she is going to see him Mon. I said, "that hurts, I hate this." She said "would you rather I lie to you?" I said no, but at least now she is crystal clear on my position. She said she probably wouldn't see him again for weeks because he will be going back to LA. She also said she was trusting me not to hurt her with this admission which my DB Coach says is progress that Wife is willing to tell me these things. She also said that my behavior was not making her feel close to me, but pushing her away and making her want to flee. I repeated that I was sorry, that was my true feelings and they came out the wrong way. That I am going to fix my issues regardless, and she repeated she really is happy about that and wants me to be happy. I am back to being lovingly detached, but MAN those emotions. I told her I just really needed her to know this is where I'm at. After we smiled at each other I said "you look cute, I've always loved that smile." Then I reminded her of what she has always said, "that she would never leave me for sex, but only for love." I said "Miss you would never leave me for sex, but only love, you realize you are leading with sex again with this other man don't you?" She smiled and said yes. So I have to believe at some level she knows this other relationship may not be healthy either just new and exciting. My hope is she won't fly to LA in several weeks to see him, but again, my Coach and Divorce Remedy remind me I cannot control her only work on myself, get strong and show her what a good thing she is leaving.
