[quote=Deep]If you don't mind sharing, what did you do to help heal from the violation of the trust?
Depends on what your made of??? I for one agree with you on the mindset that there is NO EXCUSE for cheating. But we are NOT them. Does that make us BETTER. Do we have BETTER VALUES AND MORALS??? I'd like to think so. It's easy to just tell ourselves that. But, deep down inside you know WHY you are so angry.
Could it be that we have something to do with this? Does it take two??? Did we drive them to this???? Did we enable this behavior??? My X is screwed up. No doubt about it. Now as a Christian do I just pass judgement and blame her and ridicule her for her actions. Her poor decisions???
Who are we to judge??? Who are we to judge what makes another person do what they feel they need to do or are justified to do? I was taught as a Christian not to judge. "let he cast the first stone..." mindset. So at the end of the day. Your WAW is hurting... As another human being you should have the ability to be compassionate... Because she did it to you it is NOT easy. Forgiving my X has been and continues to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
I equate it to these family members that you see on court tv that have to FORGIVE the criminal that murdered their loved one. I feel like my X murdered on marriage by doing what she did... But once again who am I to judge and blame. Am I qualified because I am A VICTIM. Because I was VICTIMIZED by this person.
What is the definition of being a VICTIM??? "a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency: a victim of an automobile accident. 2. a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency:" We were truly VICTIMS??? Were we deceived or cheated by our own IGNORANCE???
At the end of the day, what Im trying to get at is. that best way for you to get past the anger/hurt/pain is to forgive. How do you forgive. It helps to have SYMPATHY for the other person. Do have COMPASSION for their feelings.
So once again I ask you. Are you strong enough to look past all the hurt and pain and anger to have sympathy and/or compassion for what made them or "faciliated" in their poor decision making.
If you are then you will be on your way on the road of recovery.
It takes a lot of work, but it is possible.
Sorry for the long post, but this is something that I struggle with everyday. Unfortunately, because you are person of strength and character, being that you sought out this site for help, you too will struggle with this.
I wish you well on your journey... May you find the strength and the compassion to forgive her.
