Have you guys decided to go to Retrovaille? I skipped 10 pages of the thread to catch up...sorry if I missed a crucial piece.
OM? Maybe, maybe not. MLC? Um, YES...confusion on her end? Definitely. Frankly, I think you need to focus on the Retrovaille if it's going to happen, but without talking about it beforehand. It'll make too much pressure on both of you.
My h and I DID attend it last weekend, which happened to be our anniversary, (what are the odds?) and we "got it".
We found it surprisingly helpful AND you should know that the couples who host it, have stories that will inspire you b/c they've seen some serious trouble in their m's, and I mean it when I say that nothing you've written or I've experienced, matches their issues. Yet they made it. That matters. They didn't just "survive"; they are happy.
Also, there was some discussion about how little the "outside world" does to support marriage. You referred to "the enemy" and boy I hear you. And just Look at television and how few intact families exist there or in Hollywood, let alone show romance or respect between the spouses. I heard a comedian say she'd been married 20 years and there was hesitation in the audience about whether to clap or boo or what? They waited for her to mock the marriage of course, which she did do. THEN THEY LAUGHED AND LAUGHED....see? And that's not even "evil" per se. She only said a line or two thank God, but It is just that we don't get a lot of support for sticking it out and making it happy.
I also don't think "settling for a troubled m" is great either. It means resistance to change or a lack of forgiveness....
All I can say is if you get to Retrovaille, you'll be pleased. NO ONE is turned away for money reasons and I saw someone here post about how expensive it is and that made me mad. Not true. Yes They DO ask for an anonymous donation at the end b/c it's ALL volunteers doing this and our housing and meals were provided somehow, so yeah, they could use some money donated and heck yes we did! AND no, you don't have to be Catholic and there are inter-denominational groups that do Retrovaille or some form of it.
I would not recommend it for an atheist, although I didn't feel that I was hit over the head too hard with religiousness. I'm Catholic but my h isn't, and he was very comfortable. We found it a moving experience. And it's not over. We are attending the follow ups, but that's all I can say.
Except that even if you do divorce, retrovaille would make it less hostile and if you have to say that to get her there....I'd say it. Maybe that's just me...
But i saw some miracles happen there.Why not you?
Blessings your way... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
