Rather than thinking about what you LACK, think about what you have. You radiate "lacking" and sense of regret and loss, and that begets more lacking. Instead of radiating gratitude or any joy for the life you DO have, which presently does NOT include your wife, you radiate what you think you need.
A new definition of insanity I read the other day applies. "Insanity is you thinking you need what you don't have". Meaning, You don't have your wife and YET your heart still beats and your eyes still see and the world did not stop. The earth still turns, and life does go on. If you want to remain in a "committed relationship alone", fine. She may remarry and you have NO control over that. Clinging to the thought that she will return if only you pray and believe, has done nothing to bring her closer to you.
Regardless,it is HIGH TIME for you to focus on what you do have and make the best of it NOW and look around....Start focusing on what you DO HAVE in your life. Such as a job, two healthy kids (who have not been your true priority). But you have to step up now and "make what you've got, hot" to you. Find the joy and love you can have in your life with or without your wife or another woman if that's how you choose. It does seem like falling on a sword to me, b/c frankly, I think the thought of dating just terrifies and tires you....) Who knows? Like I said, if you want to be single and celibate the rest of your life that is your choice. There is still joy all around and possible for you.
You live in a good area for business and you are healthy. That puts you in the top 5% of the world's population. Want to be crazy and miserable? Keep thinking about how you "need" what you don't have....and focus all the time on it, b/c you "just can't stop"....
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
