Thanks for checking in w/me in the midst of all your turmoil. You gotta know, I love ya, babe!
Well, the latest for me is quite good. GF found out yesterday that she was offered her "dream job" position and we hung out together last night, had a few drinks, and celebrated the fact that things are finally coming together for her.
We stayed up very late, so I'll be more tired than usual today and we made sure to write he resignation letter to her other employers (the job she took but really didn't want) last night. She's going to start w/the new company on Monday, so she's taking the next two days off to just chill out and relax for the first time in a while w/out a ton of stress hanging over her.
As I mentioned, we were up pretty late and we started to talk about a few things about us. GF brought them up as she's had questions she's wanted to ask me about and she said she can now focus on us b/c she's finally able to let go of her other stressors. I have been noticing some changes w/her lately that were pointing toward her starting to want to move us forward. It really began w/the little things like her sending me notes saying she was thinking of me and her contacting me and inviting me over for dinner, etc.
I really am starting to feel very comfortable w/GF and I no longer feel as if I have to be worried about how she feels about me. It is nice to have that type of confidence back in a relationship again.
So anyway, last night we talked a bit about my past, my marriage, what I mean when I've told her I've made "changes" in the past 18 months, etc. It was good. We talked about where we were headed and "falling in love" to which she said "I don't know if I'm in love w/you" and I said "I don't know if I am either, but I'm inerested to find out if I will fall in love w/you in time."
I asked her questions as well, but mostly I let her lead and probe into whatever arena she wanted. I let her know that I'm an open book and she has access to anything and everything. I also told her if she discovers she doesn't like what she finds about me, then we'll just move in our own separate diretions b/c I am who I am and there isn't much that I can do about that.
I'm comfortable and comfortable w/me, w/my mistakes, w/the lessons I've learned and w/my continuous efforts to become better. Overall, it went very, very well --- although I'm paying the price for staying up to almost 3 am on a school night...but it was worth it b/c we were finally able to stop worrying about the outside world and take time to talk about us.
It is cool to be moving forward w/the R. I'm so glad we're being cautious and careful b/c it feels like we're building a solid foundation which, I have learned, is something I've never really done before.
All my previous relationships were so darn needy on both my end and on the end of the lady I was with. I was so unhealthy then that I looked for something to plug a hole inside of myself and thus, jumped right in way too soon. The trust wasn't firmly established and as a result, the foundation wasn't strong enough to get through the really tough times.
So, we'll be hanging out again on Saturday as she's throwing a surprise party for her 16 year old (I'm helping quite a bit w/it too) and I know we'll be talking a ton in the interim...so as usual, I'll keep you posted.
