just wanted to say a quick thanks to all of you. I don't talk to my friends about any of this, actually, I have sort of stopped having R with old friends, because I have outgrown them but in making new friends, I have not been too forthcoming about what is going on here simply because I don't want to make that the focus of the friendship. Plus, unless people walk this, they don't really understand. So this really is my place to come for solice and sharing and a few laughs along the way.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I'm just back from a full day of appointments. I'm brain mush, but LOVE LOVE LOVE what I'm reading about you taking the FEAR out of S, and showing H that he can't hang that over you. It's only natural to hold onto the fear of him blurting something out to the kids. They're your kids, for goodness sake! You can never give them back the innocence of being raised in a two-parent, stable home. Once you drop that bomb on them, they're in a whole new category. (Not that it ends up being bad, but you can't go back.)
Soooooooo way to go my WEDGIE friend! I'm thinkin' a new vibrator is in the works for me, TOO! Everybody's doin' it! LOL
PS - Cat... I totally relate to your last post. I don't really have anyone to talk to in RL, either. My BFF knows a lot of it, but not all, and I don't keep her abreast of the sitch, as we all do here... Another BFF knew some of it a year ago, but how do you tell her you're STILL trying to make this work, AM I NUTS? I have some new friends, too. I'm going to go to your thread. Kind of reminds me of sorority days! B*tchin' about boys, laughs, vibrators... Hope I don't get hazed again. LOL
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I haven't started a thread because I don't really post a lot of details, although I have seemed to start so I guess I will go ahead and do that even if it is just for fun.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Since I started detaching from H he has tried in so many ways to get at me -locking himself into my bedroom -insisting that I sleep in the guestroom -leaving unpaid bills ying around -leaving me to do all with kids, house and garden -stealing my credit cards -taking my clit kit(you better google for that one!) -taking my vibrator batteries(well, a girl has certain needs...) -snooping through my cell phone -hacking into my PC account -deleting my documents -deleting cell phone contacts -trying to scuper my plans to get away for a few days
You dont' suppose he was using any of those on himself do you ?
Ha! Mach! Well, if he`s usin` `em on himself he sure isnt having as much fun as me!
Just been to therapist. She had all sorts of direct things to say about H like:
-he is totally selfish -he is very rigid, narrow in his outlook -he may never come out of this -why did I marry him -he is really crazy right now so I better be VERY careful while around him -I was very enmeshed with him but have become hugely detached in the past few weeks
She is concerned that he might actually physically attack me in the next couple of week. My plan is just to lie low, stay calm, hold a calm fort here for me and the kids.
H hasn`t spoken to me since I came back yesterday evening from my lovely two days away with the kids.
I know my anxiety factor has been a trigger for his anger. I can feel that bubbling away in me all the time. I know he`s angling for a way to get at me.
I know I`m not angry anymore, just sad that things have come to this.Guilty too for my part in it.
I know life will go on for me and the kids no matter what happens.
Just been to therapist. She had all sorts of direct things to say about H like:
-he is totally selfish -he is very rigid, narrow in his outlook -he may never come out of this -why did I marry him -he is really crazy right now so I better be VERY careful while around him -I was very enmeshed with him but have become hugely detached in the past few weeks
Everything that she said is SCRIPT MLC.....Except for ONE thing....
Why did you marry him ?
Why did you ?
Ever think that the reason God allowed you to love him is because he knew that YOU were the one strong enough to love him through this rough time in his life ?
Question for ya.....If you had a dog, a great dog, loving and loyal, always by your side for fifteen years....and one day, he bit you....
Would that make him a bad dog his whole life ?
Or just that one moment ?
Originally Posted By: Fallgirl
She is concerned that he might actually physically attack me in the next couple of week. My plan is just to lie low, stay calm, hold a calm fort here for me and the kids.
Good plan.....
Originally Posted By: Fallgirl
I know my anxiety factor has been a trigger for his anger. I can feel that bubbling away in me all the time. I know he`s angling for a way to get at me.
That is because YOU have taken away all of his buttons to push to make you angry and justify his madness......
Stay the course FG......You are handling things really great...
