Newcomer here...I suppose with time I will learn all of the abbreviations, etc.
A little background-military family, married 14 years, one D (13) left at home. My 24 y/o daughter (step for H) recently moved back in with her child. Recent transfer, 2 years of he!! trying to sell a home...fast forward to now.
I think at times I am a WAW...of course I had never heard that term until yesterday. For the last few years I have felt so overwhelmed with the life we created because as a military spouse it has always been up to me to take care of everything. I worked a full time job, took care of the house, the kids the bills, etc all he had to do was his career. I got pretty good at juggling everything but in the process lost any zest for life, it was all just one challenge after another. I tried to talk to my H about how I was feeling but it was always like he had "checked out" the minute I opened my mouth. I never had a chance to drive him away because he was already gone...that is why in many ways that as much as I want to believe in DB it's pretty tough right now...however, this is the 3rd marriage for both of us and I did not go into this only to have it fail again. SOmewhere along the way we lost each other...seems I know the hows and whys, I just don't know how to get it back. I told him at one point that I felt we were on different planes, more like bother/sister than husband/wife and I thought I wanted out. He asked me to stay, told me he loved me and that we would work it out...thing is I had never heard of DB or DR...maybe if I had it would have made a difference back then. We did nothing when I look back...just lived the same old life we had been living. No movies, no dinners, no talking...nothing, period, nada.
He transferred, went to live in another state and complained all the time that we weren't there. I finally rented the home on a temporary basis and moved to the new DS and into a camper so that we could manage financially. After many months of this and the renters moving out I made the difficult decision to just let the house go to foreclosure but while that process worked to keep it on the market. So anyway, we finally sell the house, about a month ago (short sale)...that was my responsibility, he never offered help, input, suggestions or even a shoulder to cry on when it got tough. I felt like a complete and utter failure to my family. We moved into base housing which was not the ideal solution but at least we were out of the camper. It soon hit me that I could rent something much nicer for around the same amount of money and then maybe we would all be a little happier and H and I could actually start to repair our marriage. Joke was on me...we found a great home...exactly what we would both want and then I got the ILYB...I completely understood because that it exactly how I felt and thought we should call it quits...halt the home rental, seperate and begin to move on with our lives. H said no, let's try...just not sure he was ready to give up yet. We had barely moved in...days I am talking and he says it's not going to work and he is here for convenience. I asked him to leave. He has been gone for 2 weeks now and I don't think I have ever missed him more. I thought it was over in my head...not that I ever wanted to to be, I just wanted different and it seemed the more I wanted it, the more it stayed the same. I have spent the last 2 weeks questioning my sanity...for so long I have questioned my love for this man and he leaves and suddenly the realization hits me that I love this man so much and at the same time want to be by myself. How did he transition from I love you, let's work it out to ILYB in a mtter of days. Yesterday whiel googling on this I ran across an article on this book and immediately went out an purchased it. It's like Michele has been living in my home...what a wake up call. As I said, I always knew I did not want to get a divorce, I just felt like there was nothing else I could do. This book, these stories here have given me hope but my H is no where near the possibility that this can be worked out. He is gone now and in my mind it means that I can hope all day long but I am wasting my time. He says he wasn't happy but can't tell me what made him unhappy...how can you fix something when you don't know what the something is. I have been calling and communicatimg with him way too much I realize after reading this book cover to cover yesterday and as of today will try the 180 but I have a problem with patience and I feel like I have been waiting for happiness in my marriage for years and I don't know how long I can hang on...I am so torn between letting go and not giving up...regardless, there are some issues there and I feel like if those things don't change that any attempt at R won't matter. Today I suppose I have hope...any encouragement or advice from those in the "know" may help to keep it alive...HELP!!!
