Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

I do let them know I'm there for them and if not physically, I'm on the phone with them for countless hours. It used to seem like a chore to have them call me. Now it's daily and even at my work.

Like I said, I'm near certain my level of involvment, care, love and interest with them is really tapping into XW's emotions. For the last few years, I took them for granted, as I did her. Now, I cherish every moement with them like it is my last. She sees this, and it's doing something, her face said it all last night. And no doubt, OM saw it too when she went in and hence the friction.

The reality of it though, I woke up this morning and thought about it all again over my coffee. I simply want her to join us for gash darn dinner, our kids want it soooo much. If I have to I'll tell OM straight to his face, it's jsut dinner, between 2 kids and their mother and father. When it's done, you can have her right back, I don't want her in that sense anymore and family and social networks are here by forever shattered rendering it nearly impossible anyway.

In retrospect, the feeling that came across last night for XW was not the a-typical "i miss her, or I want her back" type. It was more of a sense of I felt so bad/sorry for her. But, I can't. She needs to see, feel, and accept all the pain hurt and destruction she caused by taking "the easy way out". Then figure a way to make the wrong things right.(in my opinion)