Thanks for stopping by and reading my sitch and for the kind words and advice. I am very guilty of what you mentioned about trying to hold on to H through conversations on the telephone. I don't call him unless the kids want to talk to him. When he does call us I try to keep the focus on what he is doing and or I start chatting about the kids. I never mention me or what I am doing unless he asks (which is rare cause the kids tell him everything that I am up to.) Pretty soon there is space and silence on the line and then I can sense that he is getting uncomfortable with it so I say "you better get going" or something along those lines.
I really have to work on ending the phone call first and not trying to make up for gaps in the conversation. It is hard for me though cause sometimes I want to cry when he hangs up because he has turned into such a stranger like we have not known each other for 24 years. One of our issues was lack of communication so I thought my 180 would be to be more communicative with him. DBing is such a fine line to walk so I have to make sure I am keeping my balance.
Enough about me, how are you holding up with your sitch? Have you been getting out and finding fun things to do? It is easy to just mope around and wonder what is going thru our H minds but we can't let it get us down.
Hope you are well
Hi AJL,
I tried to copy the quote from my thread, but I am not sure if it worked. I answered about my sitch there... thanks for stopping by.
re your calls... it is good that you have made some changes and will continue to make a conscious effort to NOT hang on when he calls. again, maybe let the kids answer the phone? not sure of their ages. But the more you can keep yourself from talking to him, know what he is doing etc.. the easier it will get each day.. I guess this time we are going thru is about alot of soul searching. and making some positive changes that will not only benefit us.. but also assist in giving WAS the space they need to really know how they feel and be able to miss the good and forget the bad?
I know I find that I get a resolve and can function for a bit, then I will hear from him.. or snoop on his credit card bill and then I cry and hate him and myself. so I am next going to STOP looking. what he does with his time is his business. I cant control him.. I can only control me. ( actually at this point I cant control me either lol!)
well I hope you have a wonderful day... do something small for yourself and then stop to really appreciate it!
M - 45 1st marriage H - 45 2nd M -T - 14 yrs M - 13 yrs S - due to job location since 1/08 B - 7/6/2009 EA revealed -9/3/2009 began 6/09 E/A end 9/09 piercing: since 10/09 long distance
