If any of you care to be disgusted with both my wife and me, please feel feel free to look at how hard I worked and then how I blew it.
My wife left me a year ago and ended up dating her ex-bf after we had been married several years. I tried so hard to get her back because I knew that she loved me but was the type to run away if there was a problem and she did. She ran to the safety of the dirty scum that had been there waiting on the periphery wheedling and scheming for our marriage to fail.
I was sure I could forgive her for most of a year but I lost self respect and lost vision and I started having an afair too.
Wife was always open with me that she was with someone else because she loved me but thought we were not going to make it but I lied, I tried to get her back but I saw a girl for a few weeks.
When she told me she wanted to get back together I kept it from her but the ex-husband of my OW contacted my wife out of jealousy (already divorced) and told my wife, not only about the afar but enough details meant only to hurt her, I mean really deep stuff.
As I said, I really let us both down but I wanted to be with my wife the whole time. Wife came to discuss this with me and I told her everything, this was almost a month ago and she says there is too much damage to be together now because I am a LIAR and I betrayed her etc etc. So we are back to the scenario that she gives up and I am wanting to die because I screwed up.
How do I convince her when we live so far apart, no kids that I lied because I was desperate after a year of hell and that I will never ever lie to her again? Why is this all turned over on me and I still want to save my marriage? What can I do? I told her I want to come visit her and she sees no point. She came to see me, when she needed to why is it always on her terms? I still want to save the marriage!!!! Someone Please help me!
How do I convince her when we live so far apart, no kids that I lied because I was desperate after a year of hell and that I will never ever lie to her again?
She has sincerely tried to just hang out and chat but inevitably I have to hang up because she starts slashing at me.
Apparently what she did all last year was something we could work out but now this whaen it happened to her is too painful (because I lied and she didn't).
Your wife thought cheating was ok just because she was "honest" with you about it? That really takes the cake. She just wants to keep beating you over the head with this so she feels less guilt.
Turn the tables again and tell her that she set the tone by cheating first and that you forgave her. If she can't forgive you, then you are done with her.
Yes and no. She thinks it is okay because she was trying to end the marriage and she was honest so that I would give up but I didn't. But I was trying to get the marriage back and didn't tell her what I was doing.
She has a real hard time forgiving people. She does not see the diff between someone that lied and a "Liar".
She was cheating before she left the marriage...you just didn't catch her. What she's telling you is a bunch of baloney. If you didn't look so desperate to have her she wouldn't be busting you so much. She is acting like after a year as though it's as easy as her deciding to come back. Next time tell her you haven't even decided if you want her back and get off the phone. Give her time to mull over the thought of losing you.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
The assumption that she was having an afair before hand is possibly true as one that she was headed to but she is stubon in her truthfulness to a point where I know she was planning to but had not consumated it., but that is irrelavant becuase that makes it a blame game that will not result in any resolution however I am interested in the thread on Dual Affairs.
I'm just saying that you are beating yourself up about nothing. So, a year after she left, you were with someone else while technically still married....and that's the same as her leaving the marriage to pursue someone else? It's typical walk-away gobbledy-gook.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
