I don't have much time left before this thread comes to an end but I do still have some lingering "issues" roaming about.
so as I said yesterday there is still a bit of mistrust. Something I did note different yesterday was that when fil called (before disclosure of ow fil used to call every evening and if h wasn't home he would state "I'm gonna kill him" little did I know) instead of his old response about h not yet being home, he did say "well we did have a busy day today, he got tied up with us at uncles house" so that made me feel a bit better. When h got home we wrapped up the screens (house was supposed to be pressure washed today but with the weather I think that's not happening) h asked how I was feeling and asked about my cold and then stated that my break will be comming soon (with the end of his season he will be around more so less pressure on me to be "in charge" of the kids "full time") I then asked if I could be honest with him and let him know that part of why I felt a bit yucky was becuase of her calling him and giving him a card last year for his b-day. He appologized and then said "if it makes you feel any better there was no call and no card" I appologized for feeling that way and h said it was ok. I wonder though if it really was or did I just pick at a scab I mean after all he did leave his w and children to persue a life with this woman and she doesn't so much as acknowledge his birthday the next year?? sheesh!
well h is blowing out sprinkler systems today and yes she has a sprinkler system. Don't know if she's on the schedule today or when (not like he tells me).
just feeling a tad of yuck floating around.
I'm pissed in thinking that fil knew "something" was going on with h and ow (ow is a customer and fil works for h so did see them "talking" on occassion if not out together too but never thought to tell me about it just pisses me off and adds to the I will never really know what's going on becuase he travels where only "his" people will see him and not near "my" people, the only time he ran into "my" people was a freak incident when he took her to a doc apt and happend to run into a friend of my family who was at an anual screening)
just yuck and more yuck.
I never did trust..truth be told I often thought that h's landscaping co was just a cover for a jigilo co as his employees almost all seemed to be far to attrative to be landscapers (not the typical scruffy dudes you'd think of).
I guess the main killer in when I start to feel down is when h is physically distant. I know not everybody expresses themselves physcially but I do and I get annoyed when h isn't being that way with me. I wish that h could have stayed the way he was when he first came home but I guess that is classic behaviour for a ld person.
I'm tired and this head cold is annoying the crap out of me...you can blow your nose or cough to clear your throught but what the heck do you do when a cold has settled in your ears?
tonight h and I are going to son's pre-school for parent teacher night...son told me that we will be seeing a movie on the wall! I'm excited, hope that h doesn't talk the teachers ear off.
I'm rambling I know I just don't want to use up too many posts so I'm trying to fit a lot in.
since h went to miami last year and this year to see the pats play, he told me I am entitled to a vaca too...I decided that I don't want to go away alone and instead will use the money I would spend on a trip to buy furniture for the kids rooms. H seemed ok with it, only asked that I let him know ahead so that he doesn't get slammed with the bill. I ordered a bunk bed for son's room (ya I know he's only 1 kid but I think all little boys should have a bunk bed, heck I ended up stealing the one that my brothers used) that will come today. I don't know if h is bothered by it or not but he's not saying anything so I'm not going to mindread. If he's mad he'll have to speak up, he should know where being silent about things got him in the past.
I'm also a bit miffed that on saturday h plans to work at least part of the day...wich means I will be here with the kids trying to cook and get dinner ready for 12 people, HIS family that we're having over for HIS birthday...I think next year I'll just say screw it as he's typcially out plowing for my birthday anyway. I used to host ALL the birthdays for h's family....heck they were even here on my due date to give birth to dd to celebrate bil's b-day...I mean really???
just tired I guess and annoyed that h hasn't yet called today..I know it's snowing and all but a two second hello call does wonders for me and h knows it....it's just aiding in my thoughts of "h is in some funk and mad at me for something".
oh well time to make lunch, get dd dressed, put dd for nap and carve pumpkin with son.
