K4D Rising #4

[K4D]

Wow,

I got back from my AA meeting and was going to talk about what a great meeting it was and I read all of this. I am still on my medication.

Anyways, the speaker at our meeting was covering step 3. He was really funny, but at the same time said stuff that hit home. He has been sober since 1971. He said things like if you think of yourself as having a crappy life, then it is going to be a crappy life. If you think of yourself as having a good life, you will have a good live and project that good life. I made me think, what is so bad about my life? Why am I so miserable that I can't enjoy anything. Is my life that bad? Why do I let what my W thinks and does control me and my happiness? All it has done is make me miserable. It made me get up off my butt and start smiling and thinking my life isn't so bad.

I went shopping after and just started smiling and I got in line and the cashier noticed me just smiling and she had been quiet until I got there but then she started smiling back at me and talking to me. She was cute to. But that is beside the point. I just stood there smiling and looking confident and she was chatty with me. To funny. As I walked out I thought, I can project a good life for myself. I can work on improving my future. So why haven't I? Its time to start. I can get other people to like me and talk to me and want to be around me simply by changing my outlook on life. It was an interesting experiment.

So I came home and kept positive and happy while I put away my groceries and then realized I lost my loaf of bread somewhere. Oh well, no biggie. I will get more.

Then I realized I forgot to get some frozen pizza's. I always feel like I am forgetting something when I leave the store and sure enough I do. And I never realize it until I get home. Such is life. I do have hotdog buns though. I can make sandwiches out of that until I go back to the store.

Anyways, back to me. I am definitely going to keep going to the AA meetings as I think they are good for me. The people were friendly there again. I don't really have an official sponsor, but I have 2 people that told me to call them if I feel like taking a drink until I get a permanent sponsor.

I am going to try and get into work early tomorrow and stop focusing on W. I can make something out of this job and more if I remove her from my mind. I have always said if you can't make it in DFW you can't make it anywhere. And I believe that. So its time to start making something here.

I agree. Change has to come from me. People see me how I project myself. I see that. It is time to start smiling and remembering I do have value regardless of what W thinks. When I smile at people they smile back and are more geared to talking and being friendly. It makes life more enjoyable. Plus it is hard to feel negative if you are smiling all the time. I gotta keep positive thoughts of the opportunities out there and not dwell on what I don't have. It is all a mindset. I just have to train my mind each day that it is going to be a good day and opportunities for whatever are out there. If I don't see me as positive, of course my W and anyone else isn't going to see me as positive and want to have anything to do with me.

The meeting tonight was good. I am getting a lot out of this. And you do have to work it for it to work. I never believed it mattered before. But I am starting to believe it does matter and can work if you put the effort into it.

I wanted to go to TGIF on the way home for happy hour. But instead I went to AA and feel so much better for doing it. I would have missed a great meeting had I not gone and I wouldn't have gotten anywhere at TGIF other than stupid misery.

Kevin