After a couple of days of relatively little contact (while traveling), I confronted Mrs. Thinker about her (re)new(ed) facebook friend.
I wanted to wait until I was home for a face to face discussion, but for various reasons proceeded over the phone earlier this evening. I found that in the end, the phone probably helped me because a) I could use my notes during the discussion, which really helped me and b) it made for a relatively easy escape during the uncomfortable period afterward.
I was mentally completely ready to start D proceedings depending on how that conversation went. Right now, I really have reached that point where if she were to persist in pursuing a relationship outside of the M, I would consider that as her final decision to leave, and would proceed accordingly and start dissolving the M.
In the end, however, her response was different from what I expected:
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Me (calmly): I noticed on facebook that you were friends with OM again. I thought we had an agreement about that. Why did you do that?
Her (quietly)...ummm I don't know. He invited me and I responded yes. It's not really a big deal, but I guess I'll delete him again.
Me: It is a really big deal. When you do that I feel disrespected, I feel unappreciated and disregarded, and I feel foolish and taken advantage of . By doing that you are destroying what is left of our M. I refuse to share you with another man...
Her: You are not sharing me with him. I am not in contact wih him.
Me: This IS being in contact with him.
Her: OK, I'll delete him again.
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After that there was a long, uncomfortable pause in the conversation, and then I talked a bit about the logistical planning we had to do for the upcoming weekend, and we closed the call.
I don't think she knows how close she came to having me drop my own bomb on her.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
