Not Me...Ever part 2

[SDFoundGirl]

Thanks Mac for always offering a smile to me...Funny my MIL said almost the same thing last night about him coming to the realization that "Happy Land" isn't as happy as he thought it would be...Again then WHY isn't he home??

Hmmm...because it takes them some time to:

1) Fully realize they're idiots and the fantastic life they'd imagined in alien-dream-fantasy land is, in the end, sorta crappy;

2) Fully realize they've made a huge mistake, especially since you're so darn fabulous with your GAL and 180s and you seem so much happier and healthier than he does (and Ms. Scabies);

3) Fully realize the extent of the damage they've caused and begin to feel the worry and anxiety of losing you, this fabulous woman that he now knows he doesn't deserve;

4) Get over their shame, embarrassment, and egos enough to draw up the courage to come back with their skunky tails between their legs because:

*they worry you'll punish them for the rest of their lives
*they worry you'll tell them HELL NO when they ask to come
back;
*they're afraid to admit their faults and mistakes.

#4 is where some of them get hung up. Their egos can't survive what they've done, and so they move on to avoid the shame and embarrassment. This is where the LBS has to demonstrate unconditional love for the S without condoning or liking the actions for the S.

You might think about what you'd require of your H BEFORE you allow him to return to your home with your children. What must he agree to? No contact? Transparency? Marriage counseling? Start thinking about this, and get clear about the things that will be required to heal yourself and this marriage if he wants to reconcile.

I will tell you...piecing has a lot of ups and downs, especially for the LBS. After fighting for so long, I was surprised to reach a point where I was absolutely furious with my H and questioning whether I wanted to continue, and this was many months into piecing. A lot of hard work has to happen there.

Have you begun working on figuring out who you are and what you want out of life? Who is Serenity? Find that beautiful, amazing woman inside of you. What's she like?

SD