I don't want to jinx myself or anything but I feel that things are a tad better than just OK...
Some on h's part and some on my part..
was thinking earlier that perhaps I've spent a tad too much time trying to figure things out, trying to "understand" wtf all this happend when the truth is it really doesn't matter why or how it just did! the key now is to do what works and to let h know what works and to hope that he'll tell me what works as well.
I'll probably continue to post until this thread is locked out. I have no real desire to start a new one, after a while it really becomes redundant and we have to just live our lives without that crutch.
This bb was my life line during my seperation...at night after putting the kids to bed here I sat alone, couldn't watch tv, couldn't focus on a book (my book club can attest to that I hardly ever finnished a book through those months) here I sat reading about peoples lives and searching for hope, for answers for companionship. Sometimes I found what I was looking for and other times I read things about peoples lives that made me want to cry. Alot of the time I felt like I was talking to myself (I suppose my raw style may have something to do with that but wtf I'm me)
I don't know why this all happend and don't want to figure it out any more....seems to me the more time I spend trying to put all the pieces together of the what's and why's and who's it just keeps me going in circles of blaming myself and then, no wait not me, it was him and then oh but wait I might have, but he...pointless really and never ending.
I've decided that what's going on NOW is far more important than what occured in the past and I think in doing so h is breathing easier and honestly so am I.
If I'm going to enjoy my family I'm going to have to look toward the future instead of suffering in the past.
Guess it's time to bite the bullet and put the past to rest where it belongs and start enjoying my life.
