Ok I've decided to start my own thread because we do need girls place, although the guys are always welcome too.
So the scoop. As I posted to FG, finally told H this living situation needs to be rethought. So far, nothing from him. I really don't expect him to do anything either way, so his moving or not is not a big surprise. Right now I am choosing to be silent with him. Of course this has never lasted long in the past because I always end up talking to him because he plays the Mr. Nice Guy, that I dumbly can't resist. Since I was 17 I have been unable to resist his charm. One of the really wonderful traits he learned from his family, how to charm and manipulate people. So I am anticipating feeling like a giddy sixteen year old girl again soon.
Ok this stupid screen is bouncingall over the p-lace so I'm done.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
LOL......Cat, I'm glad you have a new.....Cathouse ?
Is that the right word ?
I posed that too.....That question...
Is this working for you ? You know, the whole blaming me for your unhappiness thing ? Cause if you are still blaming me for your happiness, or lackthereof, well, that kinda sucks for both of us....
That was two months ago, and she was going to look for an apt the next day....
Guess what hasn't happened ?
I freakin love this MLC crap !!!!
Glad I didn't expect anything....Whew....
Stand strong girl ! Just don't stand still ( nickel trapt )
Cathouse? Well I guess this could turn into one LOL.
Too funny about the apt. Although at least you got a response of some sort. Well I shouldn't say that, I guess I got one too, which was silence and pretending like it wasn't said.
Whatever...not something to dwell on.
If I knew how to stand still, I think people would think I was dead! I work only 30 hours a week outside of the home, but I am never still. My weekend consisted of finishing the wall in the laundry room, a trip to sea world and downtown disney, mowing the lawn, floating in the pool, making enchiladas, and watching Big Brother. There was actually more but...one day sort of runs into the next around here with time for sleep for me once in a while.
You know, I don't know why you brought up leaving, don't know what your living sitch is really other than she is there, but before I brought it up, well, I realized that I could still stand with him not here probably easier than with him here because I still consider him way too much. That is actually what brought it out into the open to begin with. If you are going to continue doing this stuff, I don't want to be a part of it anymore. Truth be told, I am trying and have always tried to teach my son what a real family is, cooperation, consideration, not independent people living in one house not helping or thinking about the other people living there. H has not quite had that idea.
So did she say it was still all your fault? I don't hear that anymore, now I hear "I still want to do xyz, and am angry with myself that I'm not doing xyz." Of course, if I were to tell him xyz was stupid, childish, different from what he has said he wants his whole life, or if I were to point out that xyz is the stuff he has always hated from other people, I would be the cause of everything again. I know cuz I tried it LOL. So now maybe possible he is realizing that I am not the total cause of anything. Or he is simply playing the let's make her crazy game, by making her think I know it isn't her fault until it's time to make her think that again. Just nuts.....
Don't know how but I still love rollercoasters. Think I will when this all ends?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Thanks for the welcome. Don't know what I'll write since I usually write in response...
No rethinking, no comments, just Mr. Nice Guy. No rethinking on my part either. Of course, I won't bring it up again unless I feel it is necessary. Just saying it, and being firm and not angry was enough for him to know I'm about wore out.
So busy day here, finally feeling like I am acutally making progress on my house after almost three years. I know I have been getting stuff done over this last year, but it has all been really small stuff simply because I didn't have the focus to do anything that took more than a day. Leaving anything started and not completed was making me nuts, which it never has in the past because I have always understood that some things take more than one day to do. So I have left a whole bunch of projects, that I simply couldn't tackle because I knew they needed more than one day to finish. But I have begun finishing them in this last week or so and I feel really good. And no anxiety that they is still more left to do tomorrow. Boy as I write I feel like maybe I was the one in MLC LOL. No I'm not but I definately faced a crisis of my own because of all of this. Maybe someday H will find his peace as well.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Hopefully your H wont' give you to much to have to post/vent about.:)
Congratulations on getting a lot done on your house! That is always a great feeling. I have a million little projects I need to get done but am having a hard time getting them done. One of these days ...months . . . years . . .
Congrats on your new thread! Racing to the therapist this am but will be back to you soon!
Currently reading "The Heart of the Soul" by Gary Zucav-yes, I know you mentioned him before.
Since this journey is OUR journey-not just the MLCers-this is just the perfect time to explore our emotional selves.
I`m really trying to figure how I enable H`s anger-what we`re feeding off(or have fed of) in each other. How I can change that in me for this and all my other relationships. Yeah, that may mean him not being able to live with me any longer but that`s HIS decision to make.
Can you set boundaries on your H`s behaviour without getting straight to the point of "I can`t live like this anymore"
ANd yes, I know you may not be able to be very specific.
This is a huge learning about love for our kids too.
Just dropping by your new "Cathouse" to see how you are.
I was just reading and thinking how similar our situations are. That almost every boundary I have set has been followed, except for the really hard ones, the ones that aren't really boundries, but seem more like ultimatums to her.
The looking for an apartment and a different job. Those are the ones that get the "blank" stares off into space.
I think that some of my questions produce a chemical in her brain that sends signals to a satelite, that bounces a signal off of the cell towers, through her phone,( which is sewn into her hand ) back into her brain and causes a log jam of reality, which in turn locks up her sense of morality, and rational thought, thus causing a system overload and having to reboot....
I don't think I have read this from you before, but at least with me....Her anger is almost gone....And all that is left is an empty shell.
Don't misunderstand me, she is still in there, but she seems content with things, and to be honest ?
I have seen more sign of her being in there the last two months , than in the previous two years.
But the MLC force is strong in her Luke...I feel it...
Patience Cat....That is all we can do for now...
You know, Two years ago, if someone would have told me that I was this strong to go through this, I would have told them there is NO WAY .....
But one day at a time, one step at a time....sometimes minute by minute....I came through this.
A better and stronger me now....The person I lost over the years...
