H never did talk with S yesterday about the e-mail to OW.
When H arrived home yesterday morning, he crawled into bed with me, hugged me and said he loves me. You'd think maybe something clicked but, no, it did not. He's still involved with OW.
Last night I ended up telling H if he wants OW so bad then he should leave and go with her. It was probably the wrong thing to say but I'm just so tired of it.
I'm much better on days like today when H is at work. It's peaceful and I can relax. I don't have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
I have decided it is time I write a letter to OW's husband. I have been unsuccessful in obtaining a telephone number therefore will resort to a letter.
I am not 100% sure if this is the right thing to do but have prayed about it for several days and wrote the letter tonight. I am going to post it and ask for any comments, suggestions, insights.
Dear OW's H - I write this letter with a heavy heart. I’ve avoided doing so for a long time but decided if the situation was reversed, I would want to know. Your wife, (shank's name), and my husband, (his first name), have been involved in an inappropriate internet relationship for the past several months and it has escalated into an emotional affair. They now talk and text on the phone daily.
I first learned of the affair in the beginning of June. At that time I told my husband I would expose the affair by writing you a message on facebook. Within a day your profile disappeared.
This may be a shock to you or perhaps you had your suspicions. I have enclosed some phone records as proof. I have additional information if needed.
I would like to apologize on behalf of my husband. The man he is today is not the man I married. He has become a confused, selfish individual. His actions have taken a great toll on our family, especially our son. Little by little this affair is destroying our lives. I realize this means nothing to you. I only offer this information as a means to help you understand that this is a serious matter to us. I am trying to save my marriage as well as my family but my husband’s continued refusal to end the affair has made it very difficult.
Contact me if you need any further information or would like to talk. You are in my prayers.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Don't apologize for your husband. He's a grown up man, he needs to make his own apologies -- you're not responsible for protecting him/sticking up for him.
I admire your courage. This is what I would leave out:
Quote:
This may be a shock to you or perhaps you had your suspicions.
and
Quote:
I realize this means nothing to you.
Let him deal with his own feelings and come to his own conclusions.
And I agree with davidswife - don't apologize for your H.
Good luck and stay strong.
Last edited by Silver Fox; 08/13/0912:58 AM.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Thank you for your response. I have edited the letter...taking the suggestions from you and Davidswife. I am liking it more.
At times this feels like walking through the forest in the middle of the night with sunglasses on. You're never quite sure where it's going to lead you.
Last edited by Ashlee; 08/13/0901:16 AM.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
OK, I am dying to know if you sent it and what the response was if any. When I called OW husband to tell him about text messages I had found and content of these he seemed concerned, but a matter of 2 weeks later the 3 of them were all friends again. Crazy! I hope your sitch turns out differently.
