Let us say that for arguments sake it is theoretically possible for you to get your W back. Do you for one moment think that you can do that by continuing with ALL the behaviors she has so clearly shown contempt for? You will NEVER change this sitch until you CHANGE YOU.
CHANGE YOU, Kevin. It is damned hard but not impossible. AA and counselling for your girls will help. The book that you COULD get will help. Detaching will help. Many things will help.But only if you try and keep at them.
It is not as if it is easy for the rest of us and that you alone have the heaviest burden to bear. We have all felt that depth of despair from which we thought we could not escape. We have all tried not to cry because it seemed that if we started we might never stop. We have all asked "Why me?" as if we are all so special and that this should happen to other "non-special" people.
We have all been through it but we all worked to change ourselves. That is how we get to where we are and can laugh, sing, smile and dance again. Where the tears become few and far between. You will always stay at this point unless you do WORK and there are countless people here who are willing to help. You are lucky and do not realise it.
I don't want to be too harsh because I know you do have genuine problems which require medication and professional help. But many people on this board fight depression, lupus, major medical issues, among other things. And still we strive. That is life, Kevin. Life is not fair. God is fair. And there is always someone who has it worse than you.
There is a saying I like to keep in mind:
"If you trust God , why worry. If you worry, why trust God?"
Kev, if you trust God and do the work there is no way you and your kids will lose even if you do not reconcile with W. Your W is not the prize. A healthy Kevin and two happy kids is the prize you need to keep your eyes fixed on. Any thing else is a bonus.
Being positive is not telling yourself that she will come back. Being positive is living your best life even if she doesn't come back.
