Peace, I am so sorry you are hurt. I can only imagine how it must feel.
Sweetie, I went to my therapist today and I was talking about how I cant figure this out. I cant understand what h has done. She told me this, imagine reading a book in a language you dont understand. You keep trying, but its no use. Eventually, you just have to put the book down.
So, we will never understand it because it doesnt make sense.
But, you are a wonderful, compassionate woman who should feel proud that you did everything in your power to save your marriage. That matters.