I really don't think talking to her will ever be a good idea. But I don't mind that you threatened to! I don't mind if she has to look over her shoulder a bit to see's who's behind her.
He was weak... with you and with her. What is sad was you gave many chances to come clean, and start fresh, and he still couldn't do it. Or wouldn't. Or didn't want to. Doesn't much matter does it, the result is the same.
I'm glad you are angry b/c it is good and healthy for you to process. I'm also glad to know he's completely out of chances w/you.
He doesn't deserve anything from you...even kindness. All he can expect from you is to not badmouth him in front of the kids b/c that is unfair to the kids. It has ZERO to do w/him.
You'll know love when you find it again and I agree w/John that you already are well aware of what true love is.
You aren't being mean at all and I only wish there was something I could do to help you lose the haunting visions. From experience, I know they will fade in time, but when they are fresh, they tear your insides out.
Finally, he deserves nothing from you. I'm disgusted at his still trying to deny everything even when you had proof. He was hoping to be able to get away w/it w/out ever having to face up and be accountable for his actions.
Complete coward. The master manipulator has been caught and there will be no more exploitation of Miss Sunshine any longer.
My keylogger worked. I found pictures with them in bed, letters from her trying to convince him their love is worth it, they made love on July 19, 2009.
He loves her but the kids are the problem.
I called him here. I am crushed. Mad, sad, furious. K
K, It took me a while to find this pivotal post but it explains the behavior of 'H' - strange work hours, distance, guilt, etc. I do not know what to tell you for now other than my thoughts are with you. At some point your anger will change to smartness but easier said. ( I was probably away for over a month - busier than ever renovating my house for 2 growing kids, my work and a small vacation. Sorry but I did not forget you all along.)
It doesn't sound like your H had any intentions of having you find out about his double life. I for one don't think you're being mean. He deserves it!!! You have every right to be absolutely angry. Let out your anger (just don't do anything violent). Unfortunately, what you saw in the emails will haunt you for a very long time. Months later I'm still haunted by my H's emails and there was nothing as explicit as what you've described.
I hope you've been able to get some relaxation in.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Well, H hacked my email accounts. He sounds...astonished and vindicated (?)... I am sorry this has happened. Because I am sure he will make it now "you had an affair too" and will not pay attention to dates etc...
I had told him, if you guys remember, that I had found someone and felt how to be loved and cared for is and that I gave that up for this second chance. Back then he didnt ask any questions, he thought I was making it up... Well, no.
Oh no K, I'm so sorry.. thats awful, how annoying (thats too weak a word). At least the truth is ALL out now, no more secrets. How did he do that and how did he let you know? Are you still away, but did he phone?
Perhaps you two should meet for a properly honest, card on the table talk, you are now an exdber for sure.. you could tell him to his face that you had given up, but it was something that came out of the blue, you didnt go looking for it, or pursue it, and he had been gone nearly a year by then and being very cold (I remember that summer, I was seeing my then ex 3 times a week and phonecalls every night and dates and you had NOTHING from your ex, he never spent more than 10 minutes with you). I think you should explain all this to him, I hate injustice and it would be an injustice if he thought "ahh, we're evens then, I have nothing to reproach/redeem myself for".. especially in terms of him being fair to you in any D.
I guess you feel you lost the moral highground/leverage with him now to get what you need out of this sorry situation. He may well be gracious though and accept that this was his choice and you were just coping as best you can and its not that you had an A too, he had already left you...
Thinking of yuo, as always, Love Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Maria, at this point does it really matter that he knows you had an affair 2 years after HE started his and one year after HE moved out? He will try to find anything to vindicate his behaviour.....they all do.
I dont care. I had told him anyway. And I dint have an affair John... Still he sounded like he had a weapon in his hand and I wish he didnt. But I am not worried. He also saw the way this was addressed by all involved. But he did sound surprised. He always took me for granted and being loved by someone else ws no ption for me in his head. I am not going to justify/aplogise or anything similar. On the contrary, I can now tell him I hold him responsible for loosing a man that I was deeply in love with, and forgive me if that sounds corny...
BTW, he forwarded to his account emails from Jeff and yourself sending me virtual hugs... Maybe he wants to prove I was all over the place with lovers acrooss the world...
Ok...no problem Maria. Anyhow, as far as I am concerned, I am just a pen pal discussing issues close to our hearts. But a few of my e-mails may be misinterpreted...I would have absolutely no problem showing all our communications with NGF or anybody else for that matter.
