She's been sleeping on the couch for most of the night and coming to bed around 4AM. Usually I'm sound a sleep and don't notice her coming to bed, unless she steals the blankets away from me. I know she hasn't been sleeping well b/c she's told me. I think the stress of my sitch is getting to me.
To make things worse I have to travel to Canada for my job. I figured I would extend my trip and asked my W if she wanted to come along. She didn't know so I told her I'm staying a few extra day even if she doesn't come along.
My travel plans aren't definate so she still has some time.
It has been a while since I've written something here. Now, I find myself adding notes when I sink lower in my marriage.
I had a buisness trip I had to got off to in Toronto. I asked my W if she wanted to come along, but she declined my offer.
While I was away I worked long hours and found myself in the bar. The last night I found myself talking to a beautiful and interesting woman. Someone who seemed to share the same values as me. Even her name Dani sounded nice.
It has been a while since I've written something here. Now, I find myself adding notes when I sink lower in my marriage.
I had a buisness trip I had to got off to in Toronto. I asked my W if she wanted to come along, but she declined my offer.
While I was away I worked long hours and found myself in the bar. The last night I found myself talking to a beautiful and interesting woman. Someone who seemed to share the same values as me. Even her name Dani sounded nice.
We were flirting with each other and I know it could have went further. Maybe I was stupid for giving up such a rare opportunity or maybe I was being true to a dead M.
She seemed to be the type of woman I would leave my wife for. Never had I had such thoughts. My W doesn't care and that idea is slowly being introduced to me. Before I make a mistake I think I should divorce my W.
Why does liffe have to be so difficult when it can be so easy and carefree.
Why does liffe have to be so difficult when it can be so easy and carefree.
Who do you know who has an easy and carefree life? 'Cos if you know anyone like that, please find out their secret, since I want to know it too. But I suspect that "easy and carefree" is either a mask to be worn, or a temporary reprieve in between hurricanes. Yeah, I'm the "glass is _all the way_ empty, and leaking!" type.
You already know that it is a VERY VERY BAD IDEA to get the least bit involved with someone else at least as long as you are legally M, right? RIGHT?? It's that slippery slope that ends in serious doubt about whether you have any right to blame your spouse for doing the same thing you did (or similar). And...people of integrity don't participate in adultery, regardless of how hopeless or brain-dead the M might seem. Most of us got here because our spouses didn't see things that way.
I hope I don't seem too harsh, but I'm fading for the night, and maybe not editing well for "gentle and polite." Maybe not everyone will agree with me, but that's okay.
I wish you the very best in your sitch, Fixer. Wish I could help more.
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
You already know that it is a VERY VERY BAD IDEA to get the least bit involved with someone else at least as long as you are legally M, right? RIGHT??
Yes - I know it's a bad idea and I don't think you were too harsh. You are also right about that slippery slope.
I think living life can be simple. However, I think people complicate things too much. I've been trying to save my M for a long time. We had some progress, but not enough to save the M. The golden rule is only the LBS knows when it is time to leave.
I tried to reach out to my W, but she's too set in her ways. Going out when she feel like it and coming home when she wants. I told her how lonely I was on my buisiness trip. I explained that other than D11 I didn't have a reason to come home.
If anyone cares, I'm sad M and lonely. Yeah, it may sound pathetic or selfish but its how I feel.
It has been five or more years since she dropped the bomb. She still doesn't know what she wants. Some things that happen when you're in limbo for so long is you learn to remove yourself from the WAS feelings and sometimes others. For me I wasn't cold, just an observer. The stress of not knowing if she's going to be there in the future takes its toll. Worse is the stress I put on myself debating the idea of staying or walking out the door.
As a guy in my state the W has a good chance of getting the children and the house. As a result I've put off any expensive home repairs. Instead the money is used to get finances in order. I discussed with my W we would have to sell the house, but she doesn't have any intentions of parting with it.
A positive of being in limbo land is spending time with D11. The negative of spending so much time is D11 gets spoiled. I love my D but I don't want her becoming a spoiled brat.
My last though of being in limo is you learn to do things on your own. Going to the movies, out for a drink or just for a walk. I get emotionally upset if I think about my W or our sitch; so I try not to. This is where you can become selfish.
In my five years of limbo land I've seem friends get D and re-married. I've seen families get torn apart and people get hurt. I can't say if my W sees what I see or what she thinks.
Fixer, you are sad and lonely and that is very sad. You've been at this for too long too still be so sad and lonely.
What are your goals? nothing that pertains to your W. What are YOUR goals?
Have you ever tried to just throw it up in the air and walk away and don't worry about where everything lands or who will pick up the pieces. Take a break. Stop stressing about your W leaving or staying, or yourself. She hasn't left in 5 years....why would she now?
What I've learned is that I can only depend on myself to make me smile and be happy.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
