---------------------------- Strangely, they often do this when they want the affair to end, not the marriage.---me ------------------------------------ I totally disagree with this statement. I think it's the other way around. They don't have the guts to end it so subconsciously they want YOU to do the ugly part. "You filed, not me."---FIB
---------------------------------------------- We both agree it's gutless, FIB, but I said often, not always. We all come from our own perspectives and/or those close to us. Your scenario is definitely the most common!
However, for some men entrenched in long term affairs the fear of discovery through the OW telling the wife or colleagues who know is enough to cause health problems. At some point many of them get caught on purpose so "mommy" (their wife) can pull the plug and give them the excuse they need to break it off with OW. They are so skewed that they are more afraid of OW (and failing someone else that they risked their family and lifestyle for) than their wives.
That said, it's very clear after Ms. Sunshine's clear explanation and Sara and Michelle's input that this was NOT the case here. Sometimes I get a little instinctual prick when reading and when something seems off I err on the side of putting it out there rather than let it slide if no one else has mentioned it. I think Maria knows that about me by now, so I hope I didn't hurt anything with my wild speculation.
Sunshine... you know my H and I reconciled over two years ago. What you don't know is how hard it is to wipe the picture of them when I walked into their apartment that afternoon when they wouldn't answer the door. Argh. I ceremoniously burned each card I came across. I found just ONE letter from her ripped it to shreds then eventually taped it back together to read again and again. I refuse to go through a town in Pennsylvania that shares her name, and attack anyone with her name in vampire or mob wars (lol). That is crazy. You aren't.
A few months ago I was on a website about a job offer I was considering and actually found that she'd been hired (same company- different location) as their new child care intern. I saw her "mission" statement about the "joy" she was going to make sure she fostered in each child she was in charge of. It reminded me of the day she yelled at me on the phone that I was interfering with their serenity by calling "their" place and the way she cried to my H that he took her joy away so we couldn't have our grill back. It took every fiber of my being not to write that company and beseech them to keep her away from children, or at the very least, their husbands.
My point (yes, darlin' I have one) is that don't you dare think for a second that you are spiteful/mean/low. Your anger is justified and healthy. Mine, probably not so much. You have been the epitome of grace and generosity under fire and have sacrificed enough of your happiness to ensure the health and happiness of others.
Proudly look yourself in the mirror, and into those beautiful kids' eyes, and know you gave him every chance to have the privilege of being the husband, father, and leader of your family. I guarantee he can't do the same.
