[quote], until I can tell my kids I did EVERYTHING to keep the family together I have to keep going.
Damn Straight. This is my mantra. I can't look at my son without knowing that I am doing everything that I can.
I'll take on the pain, so he doesn't have to. I am better equipped to handle it. We can't really explain detachment to them.
It will help all of us look at our selves in the mirror ten years from now to to know that we did everything that we could. We will all be proud of our actions.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Oh God, this is so funny. I am finding lines all over the place that I say word-for-word myself. I was just talking to a friend about "playing happy family" last night!
We need to start a thread for the LBS script!
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Play "Happy Family" Giving My All Detaching Do everything to keep the family together He/She is in a fog Waiting for him/her to wake up Working on myself DB'ing my a$$ off etc...
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Hey Orich Just checking in on you man. how is everything going? Remember man, always be strong even in the face of unsurmountable adversity. That is the only way you will survive. Every second that goes by that you feel there is no hope, every day that goes by that you feel the world is coming down on you like a pile of rabid monkeys, remember that you got up the next day and lived your life. Only you can make you happy. Not your wife not your kids. No one but you. Stop waiting for things to happen and make them happen. How you say? Everything you are doing is right except one thing. Trying to figure out what is in your wife's head. That is a useless endeavor. Believe me, i know it and everyone here knows it. Do whatever you have to do to empty those feeling. YOu have been keeping them in locked tight and have not released them. There is something to be said about releasing those emotions on something. It is exhausting carrying around not only your pain, but your wife's pain too. One at a time my friend. One at a time.
At what point do we realize that we *can't* do this? When we collapse from exhaustion? When we actively look elsewhere to fulfill certain needs? When we climb a clocktower with a sniper rifle? I am being facetious, but sometimes it feels that way. Thank goodness for this forum, I do believe it saves lives. I want to go do something for myself, but today is my older boy's birthday. He is 6 today, and we are taking him to Chuckey Cheese for his birthday dinner, so I have to go play happy family.
Knowing when is a tough one, and I don't have an answer for it, other than you will know when you get there.
I can relate to the happy family thing. It's a lot easier now (esp. b/c W is warming up), but initially, it was during my S's baseball season, and going to games with her was one of the hardest things I had to do. To the outside world (then and now), we were just one big happy family.
Someone a while back posted his favorite saying when dealing with this. It comes from "The Penguins of Madagascar," which is a pretty funny show (since you have kids, you might know it): "Smile and wave boys, just smile and wave."
I want to go do something for myself, but today is my older boy's birthday. He is 6 today, and we are taking him to Chuckey Cheese for his birthday dinner, so I have to go play happy family.
This is the kind of BS thinking and behavior that got us all here. You go to Chuckey Cheese because you want to not because you have to. If you go because you are playing happy family it's a fraud. So the thing you do for yourself as a father and a man is celebrate with your son because you want to. Stop doing things because you are worried about what other people think. Stop whining about all the things your wife is making you do, all the things she says that are script, and how she disrespects you. If the behavior is out of line then you have a responsiblity to act on it. You guys ever watch the "Dog Whisperer," there is a lot of wisdom in how you become the leader in the pack with dogs. The is from Cesar Millans website:
Quote:
Many of my clients call their dog their soul mate or their baby, but the dog tears up the furniture and drags them all over the neighborhood on a walk. The client pleads with the dog to behave, cajoles the dog, and offers her treats with no change in the dog’s behavior. Why? Dogs are animals, and they respond to calm-assertive leadership—not emotional arguments or negotiations. If you have a dog in your life, it is important to understand how to allow her to live in a balanced way and achieve a healthy state of mind.
Dogs have found themselves in an odd predicament by living with humans. In the wild, dogs don’t need humans to achieve balance. They have a pack leader, work for food, and travel with the pack. But when we bring them into our world, we need to help them achieve balance by fulfilling their needs as nature intended them to be.
How does this work? Through my fulfillment formula: exercise, then discipline, and finally, affection. As the human pack leader, you must set rules, boundaries, and limitations and always project a calm-assertive energy.
When you fulfill your dog on a primal level as nature intended, you will feel in tune with your dog and connect with your dog in a deeper way. Put your dog's needs first, and take responsibility for our dog's state of mind. Only then will you experience all the love your dog has to give!
Find the balance and lead.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
