You got to do what you should / One life

[MichelleLT]

Electric showers! They had those in Ireland!!! SO cool! And you NEVER run out of hot water!!!! That was absolutely amazing!!!! I want one now!!!!

And yes, I need a front loading washer. My mini top loading is awful. The agitator occasionally puts holes in my clothes! And my apt complex won't fix it cuz they say it ain't broke!

[mishka422]

Our front loaders are monstrously big! My laundry room could barely hold mine. Of course, they're up on the pedestals which make them look like truly hulking beasts. They are quite a bit larger than the tiny little ones in Europe.

I guess I didn't realize the shower was electric there. I haven't been there in about 20 years but I wouldn't think that had changed. I probably didn't notice since I was 18 and fairly oblivious.

[MichelleLT]

I am having a hard time dealing with a co-worker. He knows the general bit of my stitch, so when his W told him she wanted a D, he called me. And has been calling me. A lot. And e-mailing me.

I told him about these boards, I gave him a couple books (unfortunately I think I put DR in storage, can't find it now). But I'm having a hard time with it. One, because he's relying on me a lot, and it's a bit overwhelming on top of work, friends, fun, etc. Two, it's dredging up a lot of memories and emotions for me. After his W told him ILYBNILWY she went to see a couple ex-bfs. He found out and is flipping out. His W seems to be in full MLC, neglecting their kids, the whole 9 yards. And I feel like a broken record telling him to buy DR, to wait 48 hrs before reacting to things, to just breathe, to stop snooping.

I remember far too vividly the ups and downs of those first few months. But I can't tell him not to talk to me at all, although I definitely need to say no calls after 9 pm lol. Frankly, it's making me moody. And poor RB has to deal with me LOL.

[mishka422]

Hmmm....how do you draw more of a boundary with him? Do you have any male friends who you could put him in touch with that may be able to be RL support for him? What about a divorce recovery group or counseling?

[MichelleLT]

The counseling I did was through my law school. I haven't done any divorce recovery groups. That's why I've been encouraging him to get on here. He hasn't yet though.

Despite the fact that I have a lot of male friends and co-workers (since the Army is still mostly male lol), I don't have many that I know well enough to refer him to.

I've stopped replying to his e-mails as quickly, and that has slowed him down lol.

[mishka422]

Well, that's a start at least.

Do you know if he is a church goer? There is a wonderful worldwide group but the biblical aspect of it can sometimes put off people who don't subscribe to any kind of faith. It's not 'preachy' by any means, but it is biblically based.

[MichelleLT]

He is pretty religious and regularly attends some sort of Christian church. What's the group?

[mishka422]

DivorceCare

You can search the site by zip code for meetings in the area. They are usually held in churches. It saved my life and I met people there who have become some of my closest friends now. They don't advocate D, they encourage reconcilliation if at all possible but support you through the emotional stages of D. It really is wonderful.

[MichelleLT]

I will recommend it! I remembered you had done something, but couldn't remember the name.

Thanks!

[jon2911]

DivorceCare is great, I only went once early in my sitch, but the lesson was on reconciliation. Really surprised me because I wanted the group to help me let W go and move on. I was actually angry about it LOL. I took a job back in Dallas the next day and started spending time with W again, so glad I did.

Michelle, I've dealt with similar people, it's so hard because you understand what they're going through, but can't fix it. Of all the people I've suggested to get on here, NONE of them have. So weird. But until he does, I would draw a line with him.