Steve, here's the thing. You have been hit with something you didnt see coming. So, it is normal to be feeling all sorts of things - anger, sadness, shock, disappointment.
And that's ok. But, you dont want to get too bogged down in all that because it just gets in the way of doing what you need to do.
So, first things first. Right now, your wife is on a journey. It's her journey so you are not going to understand it and that's ok. You dont really have to. You just need to let her walk it.
But the really great thing (yes, great)is you are on a journey now, too. So, start walking.
The most important thing is to take care of you and your children. Make sure you eat, sleep, exercise. Make sure they are taken care of.
Then, look inside. Figure out the things about you that you want to change. A good way to start is to look at your marriage and think about the things that werent good and then figure out your part in those. Once you do, then, you can begin to change those parts of yourself.
Next, figure out what parts of your life arent as fulfilling as they could be. Then work on those.
All the while you are doing this stuff, remember to allow your wife to do her stuff.
Now, that doesnt mean she gets to treat you however she wants to. It just means to get out of the way of her journey.
Treat her the way you want to be treated.
I cannot promise you your marriage will be saved. I can promise you that you will come out of this a better, stronger person and someone your children could look at with respect.
