Maryel I am sorry to hear about your sitch. In my opinion Love is the underlying blanket that all the resentment and anger are built upon.
I don't think you changed for the worse. It think you just did what you had to do with the cards that where dealt to you.
But i will say this. IT is not enough to say we need to communicate better. You have to connect with each other. What good is communication if you are disconnected anyway? We have been going to MC and the C has done a great job pin pointing the reasons that we drifted apart. Little things like, making decisions without the other. Keeping things from eachother here and there. Trying to One up each other. Trampling over each other's values etc. What you need to do is, find out for yourself what caused your disconnect. Get to the root of the problem. Once you have done that, ask yourself what are the 3 most important things to you in life. These are your core values. THese core values will help you navigate the complicated map of your marriage. They say that in a marriage, if one person changes, by contrast the relationship has to change. So basically you need to change yourself and the rest will follow.
Perhaps leaving would have woke him up from the fog, that's for sure. Just like that Chicago song says, everyone needs a little time away, from each other.
But i can tell you this about the navy life. Being on the boat does strange things to you. When you are there, you want to be home soooo badly it hurts. Days are counted, meals and activities are planned in intimate detail. When that day finally arrives and he is back stateside, which wife is waiting at the pier?
Men react to women's attitude about the marriage, as women are the care takers of the relationship. We men are primitive so when we sense your anxiousness and your fear, we automatically want to fix things. Our shame takes over and rational thought becomes impulsive emotional outbursts (ie crazy spending).
Ask yourself what have you done to make life easier for your husband? Step into his reality. Understand that the job he does is probably the most stressful job in the world.
Nothing, and i mean nothing sucks more than being deployed and your wife threating to leave or being unhappy. That is the most torturous thing a man can feel. I knew many shipmates that experienced while they were away.
