most of the time I am still reserved and the im's to h's cell phone are simple (ok one attempt was so simple that h didn't even get it? ! h didn't know what that meant... hey wait a minute...the site won't let me just use the symbols, you know the colon and the parentesis it automatically turned it into a smile) he doesn't spend much time on the puter...this mornings phone im simply said mornin' and within a minute the phone rang h saying mornin' and then proceeding to ramble.
Hi LL, Ever since H came home again I have been sending messages to his phone. Just little ones like you're cute, or ILY or whatever. It has just worked so well. I get little messages back. I don't get that saracastic harrassed tone for phoning him in the day when he's busy. I can just picture him picking up his phone messages and getting a sweet little message from me and smiling.
Your kids are same age/gender as mine boy 4 and girl 2. So cute together I love your new family tradition. It sounds like you guys are getting to a good place. Way to go.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Quote: It has just worked so well. I get little messages back. I don't get that saracastic harrassed tone for phoning him in the day when he's busy.
it's nice to find something that works isn't it...I used to call h to say hello in the mornings and I'd be met with grumpasoraus....now I most often do not call unless I have a huge urgent reason so the im's enable me to say howdy and though I first felt like a dork he has let me know that he really likes it. On the rare occassion when I have called him and been met by that grumpasoraus...I've learned to not take it personally and have been surprised with an appology call back later in the day. (most of the time anyway)
Quote: Your kids are same age/gender as mine boy 4 and girl 2. So cute together I love your new family tradition. It sounds like you guys are getting to a good place. Way to go.
I've always liked traditions and this one is fun too...just hope they never sell the farm.
h has booked another mini vacation for november...now we'll just have to decide if we want a vacation or if we want to bring the kiddos along hmmm tough call. I think we deserve another adult weekend and heck the kids deserve another weekend with their grandparents.
Watched the sox last night...during one of the comercials I went upstairs to find something to wear to a party we are going to fri night...while I was up there h called up to me letting me know they scored another home-run!! Tonight we'll watch the game but I'd like to watch csi also so we'll probably be on different floors for that hour.
Really wasn't trying to push buttons, but I know I can do it without trying. One thing that I thought as I read your last post was this. If you allow the positive energy to flow towards your husband and picture that which you want, you will get it. Now, you're H will have his own time table, but I see some positive movement on your part since my last post. Stay focused and forget the past.
trouble is IMP the same question about the past keeps demanding an answer that isn't going to come or may have already come.
I'd say that the majority of the problem is that I'm battling myself here...
the same ole same ole question..same question I was pondering the night I met you at discordeds house.
was he screwing around with her or wasn't he.
he says no and most of me believes him but dammit it's really hard to believe that a man would spend so much time with a woman, leave his home to pottentially be with, her to ask her h for a d...and NOTHING???? that's pretty lame if ya asked me...or perhaps it's pretty admirable..I don't friken know but I do feel the question has to go away either by his changing his story (if what he's saying isn't the truth) or by my fully accepting it and learning to tell myself to shut the hell up when I start to feel doubts about his honesty.
other than that and well h's inconsistant libido (hey maybe that can be proof to me that he wasn't physical with her after all) things are really good.
Of course there's one other problem...when things start to feel "normal" round here I start to wonder why do things feel so "normal" again...am I being duped...what's going on..
so it's just a constant battle with myself to just let it all go and accept h made a mistake and is here now and isn't going anywhere.
LL...if you remember my story..about the ff...I too wondered about the PA...but my h actions now have convinced me for good that "it" did not happen...I have had a hard time(and you know better than anyone) to admitting to an EA..but I see it was..h told me there was nothing romantic between them...and possibly with your h, this other b@#&@ needed some boosting for her self-esteem and your h was there for her...gave her attention, listened to her..felt like he was helping her...was it ok?no not to the extreme of hurting a m, but I truly beleive that there does not have to be sex in every affair.
You have gotten to the next level..I can hear it in your posts..it is so great to see your success and your strength.
Quote: he says no and most of me believes him but dammit it's really hard to believe that a man would spend so much time with a woman, leave his home to pottentially be with, her to ask her h for a d...and NOTHING???? that's pretty lame if ya asked me...or perhaps it's pretty admirable..
I don't know if this is going to come across as some cornball phooey ... but I'll run that risk it ... from all you have posted about H, I picture him having a "code of honor" of more chauvinistic than these modern times. Today's "Sir Lancelot" if you will, but doesn't make him any less susceptible to human emotions. He may had once thought he found his Guinevere (sp)? in OW, but to his credit, he discovered he was wrong or discovered the higher road in coming back to you. From the traits you have described of your H, this does seem plausable and very admirable.
For most of us with S who had affairs, your H having such a code that has caused him to take a higher road than having a PA is a rarity and you have acknowledge how your H's actions don't seem to fit the common pattern here. I can't help but wonder if you trying to force your image of H to be just like the others here, over accepting that your H is unique.
Quote: Of course there's one other problem...when things start to feel "normal" round here I start to wonder why do things feel so "normal" again... ...am I being duped...
... but this "normal" now is better "normal" than before! There are differences now ... you have posted them ... I thinking, could it come down to you don't think the changes he made are here to stay?!! ... that they will stop after some period of time? ... that the momentum will eventually no longer continue in the direction of getting better? If the answer is yes, welcome to the club! ... but by being part of the DBing club, you have the awareness that at some point in time you will be able to accept that ... yes ... the good parts of this M are here to stay and as time goes on will only get better, because of what we have learned here!
Acceptence is key! ... accept H for who he is ... accept that you can make a wonderful life with him.
! h didn't know what that meant... hey wait a minute...the site won't let me just use the symbols, you know the colon and the parentesis it automatically turned it into a smile) he doesn't spend much time on the puter...this mornings phone im simply said mornin' and within a minute the phone rang h saying mornin' and then proceeding to ramble.
