Veronica, You're so right that everyone will have pain and suffering in life - it's just inevitable - and I do hope that the lessons my S12 has gathered over this past year stay with him. He's such an incredible, loving, generous boy - I admire him in many ways - and part of the pain of having him leave relates to the sadness of not being there to see him continue to thrive in a new place and with a new phase in his life. He's grown up a lot this summer - and has started to become more independent - which I value immensely.
Alex, Thanks so much for your suggestion. No, she never quite responded to my request - rather she just said she thought S12 would have a great time with her and her mom at her place on Friday night...so I wrote her a note that went very much along the lines of your suggestion. She almost always ignores my requests and replaces them with her own - either that, or she just completely ignores them - which has been the case with every request I have made to agree to a mediator and get our D done.
Gypsy, Thank you for coming by - I appreciate your kind words and your reminder to allow beauty and compassion to flow. As sad as I am to have my S12 leave next Tuesday, I know it will be for the best - and I also know that I must take that time to improve my self and my life while we are apart. The hardest part of having S12 leave is knowing how much S2 adores him - S2 is always so excited and happy to see his older brother - it's just such a joy to hear them laugh together...
Wifey, Thank you for the hugs...
I hope one day that I'll be able to wake up without this crushing sadness in my chest. It's so hard to concentrate on everything I have to do. Part of the anxiety and pressure I feel still has to do with my work - or lack thereof. I wrote for a pretty popular kid's TV show last year - but I had to write the last two episodes in the midst of all the drama I was going through at home. The first two episodes I wrote went over well, and were well received - but the last one was probably some of the toughest writing I have ever had to do in my life. I literally would go from writing to crying to writing to crying almost from one minute to the next - and it just felt almost impossible to write an upbeat, playful script for children.
Well...turns out that the head writer for the show thought my last script was too frustrating a process for her - (she didn't know what was going on with my life - since I kept it largely private) - and so this year, though the execs wanted to bring me back - she did not...and so a big chunk of work that I thought I would have right now is just not there...and that's been horrible - in particular because it is just so very hard to get onto a new show right now - since, unlike in the past, this time the poor economy is affecting the entertainment industry as well...So that's the practical part of the heartache - the stress of not having the work I used to have - compounded with the very real sadness of having my S12 leave so soon...
I know things will turn around eventually...they have to...I just have to admit that it's hard to concentrate on everything that has to be done, even when I take things one at a time...but I'll figure it out somehow - I have to...
