It's the way she tells me. I could understand if she came to me and said "look, I know we usually go to these shows, but I really want to go with my niece to this one" or "Do you mind sitting this show out so I can go alone with my niece?" almost anything other than oh i forgot to tell you. She knew damn well, she didn't forget to tell me. SHe waited till she could text me at work and not tell me to my face. So which is it? Is she confused, thinks she might still love me, doesn't want to break up the family, doesn't want to hurt me? Or FU, I'll do what I want, who gives a rat's ass about you?
Yeah, I know. Everything you are saying makes sense. That's why it won't do you any good to express to your W.
You have to accept the fact that your W is way past those feelings. She has already left your old M and, thus, you - your old M is dead, gone, and it's not coming back.
So, it's time to work on your next R/M. You hope that is with your W, but you don't get to choose that. Your goal should be to become the person "only a fool would leave." You have already started that process.
So, first, what is your goal? Second, will bringing up your feelings to your W right now get you closer or farther away from your goal?
O, detachment is the only way to go man. I was where you are right now not too long ago. People were telling me what I'm suggesting to you, and I thought, how can I detach from the woman around whom I have built my life the last 15 years, the woman with whom I had the two most important people - my kids? But after a while, I began to realize the only way I stood a chance to draw her back to me was to detach. That, and finally getting fed up with allowing HER actions to affect my happiness.
I can tell you everything looks differently once you can detach. And, it is much easier to deal with my W's ups and downs and the worst case scenario. I'm just not fearful of the worst case anymore. And you shouldn't be either b/c we will get through this and be MUCH better people in the end - which allows us to find happiness alone or, with one of those scantily clad women from the gym.
