I also like the idea about working on yourself. In a way that is what my wife is trying to do (unless she gets diagnosed with a mental illness which wouldn't surprise me).
FYI ?
She isn't tryin, she is doin....
Originally Posted By: Steve_73
I think I should have set better boundaries and been more active in trying to get her to do stuff for herself more. I think in some ways this whole episode is because of this - she hasn't felt she does enougth for herself and is now going extreme in doing whatever she wants. I also think that this is typical teenager behaivour because she simply hasn't developed emotionally into an adult.
No you don't........
Boundaries are for YOU and you alone. They are for when YOU have had enough of the behaviour , and it is affecting you and your children.....This is what I mean my Protecting them and their best interest. SHE has to do this, but you get to as well.
There is a certain amount of crap served up to you now that you have to eat...DO NOT just start picking any lame-ass excuse to start laying them down...Especially when they don't affect you directly.
Just make sure she speaks to you in a normal tone of voice, and doesn't talk you down in front of your children....
Did I mention ( or anyone else) that MLC'ers lie ?
You know the truth, and that is all that matters right now.....
Don't go all tryin to explain it to everyone....Come here to vent your frustrations...
You, right now, have the ability to do the things that YOU always wanted to do for you. You get to find yourself without all the insanity in your head......
Believe me, you don't ever want to know the confusion that a MLC'er is going through...
What she is doing is completely justifiable to her, she HAS to do this to find happiness.
Have you ever heard that you hurt the ones you love the most, the most ?
Think of this that way......
What YOU do from this day forward will affect your future relationship with her.
And although there are no guarantees in this, what you do, say, and especially act, will affect the outcome of this.
Google a chinese bamboo tree, and think about your situation that way...
What you need to now, if you are committed to this stand, is to really take that hard look in the mirror, and understand what YOU did to affect the demise of this relationship.
I see all of your lists, and they are good, but let me see more about you, and less focus on what SHE is doing/ did/ is gonna do......
Cause frankly, I don't care about your old marriage....
What I care about is YOU, and you being able to look yourself in the eye, and your children in the eye one day and know that you did everything you could for this to work out.
Regret is a whole lot harder to live with than failure....
If you DB for the right reasons, and save yourself, then you will never fail...
Your marriage may not survive, but you will not fail you and your children...
