Just started "No More Mr. Nice Guy" last night. And, yes, I fit the description of the "Nice Guy." I think this is going to be a pretty good one and should help a great deal.
Ya think? I saw this from day one, it's easy to recognise when you are a card carrying member yourself. Your R with your mom was a red flag. NG mentality is fixable but I still have to be aware of it.
Make it a goal to get your wife to touch, hug and kiss you first. This takes the pressure off you and you now get to be the one pursued. Makes you think and see things differently. If she is independent like you described I bet you have heard this, "Don't tell me what to do." Let it be her idea. Make yourself irresistable. Handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Just started "No More Mr. Nice Guy" last night. And, yes, I fit the description of the "Nice Guy." I think this is going to be a pretty good one and should help a great deal.
Welcome to the club GIMA!
This book has been a godsend to me. Not sure if you will hit the same things but it's a tough read at times, but makes you look at yourself very closely.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Ya think? I saw this from day one, it's easy to recognise when you are a card carrying member yourself. Your R with your mom was a red flag. NG mentality is fixable but I still have to be aware of it.
Make it a goal to get your wife to touch, hug and kiss you first. This takes the pressure off you and you now get to be the one pursued. Makes you think and see things differently. If she is independent like you described I bet you have heard this, "Don't tell me what to do." Let it be her idea. Make yourself irresistable. Handle it.
I even fit the description of one of the examples whose name is the same as mine in hte first chapter!! How weird is that.
I will make it a goal that she touch, kiss me first. That's gonna take a lot of work as I was always the pursuer before. But, it can, and shall, be done. I can honestly say I began to feel the dynamic of our R begin to change last week (and even a little before that) that seems to have coincided with hte detaching. NOT a coincidence.
I have had my eyes opened to a lot of this already. We speak such a different language. The only problem is that by the time I was let in on the game, she was sick of playing it.
I look forward to reading it. I am always (now) looking for a good way to better myself.
If she chooses to go anyway, she's going to be missing out on a pretty good guy. That's too bad that she had to put up with the me who didn't get it and someone else will benefit from all of the work that we put into to turn me into who I am today and will be in the future.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
The only problem is that by the time I was let in on the game, she was sick of playing it.
Welcome to the club no one wants to join.
Quote:
If she chooses to go anyway, she's going to be missing out on a pretty good guy. That's too bad that she had to put up with the me who didn't get it and someone else will benefit from all of the work that we put into to turn me into who I am today and will be in the future.
RIGHT! My W even said as much to me when she dropped the bomb. Not so sure she wants out now. Maybe she's a little curious.
