Big John, my nature would be to do exactly as you have suggested. However, you might want to get some advice from some others who have been in your shoes, like Stuck, Puppy, Coach and several. It appears to me that some kind of move on your part is needed, but that is just "me" and not necessarily DBing. I certainly agree with the financial protection of your accounts and credit cards. It doesn't seem right to me that she takes advantage of living under the same roof as you while continuing her PA. That causes you to support her while she has an A. If you could afford to talk to one of the DB coaches here, it would be good counseling. I don't want to steer you wrong. My biggest problem is not moving into action. But I like the ideal of you going to get your children and your car and leaving her to get back home the best way she can. I think that makes a very strong statement that you are protecting your children from her adulterous lifestyle and you do not intend to enable it. Personally I think it is time for daddy to step in and get his kids and take them home. I think that has a wallop of a message even if you don't see her or say one word to her. You would be the "Knight on the white horse" but it will be for your kids...not her!
I would think the first thing she needs to discover when she returns home is that she cannot suport herself (which she already knows, but you've been doing it for her). Time for tough love! She has already run into the arms of OM in spite of all you've warned her, so what do you have to lose? You've tried to protect her from OM by telling her what sort of man he is and she won't listen, so now she seems to need a reality shock. Besides, I am wondering if she is thinking you are going to take anything she dishes out just as long as she won't leave you. But she won't respect you BJ, and I believe it's important to have that. This is a critical time to make the right decisions.
Sandi, I see you are up and already posting. It's just after 4:00 a.m. here in Cali- I couldn't sleep. I'm starting to lean towards getting my kids and the car and bringing them home. My W's judgment appears seriously impaired right now from what information I am getting out of my in-laws. I have no idea how my W is going to emotionally handle leaving OM after this binge or how it might affect her ability to drive. I'm going to guess that OM is probably NOT going to dump her after this visit- he'll use my W up as much as he can and try to string her along until her next visit- probably in December. Still, I presume she will be dealing with some sort of depression issues on the way home.
Leaving my W high and dry and alone is a risky move- in her condition, she could probably easily transition over to living with OM and abandoning our family altogether. And we need her contributing to the household income right now too- she is significantly underemployed but does have two small jobs which account for a couple days of work every other week. Not much, but every little bit helps. At the same time, I agree with you that making a move like this would make a statement to her.
I'll try to sleep on it some more. Thanks Sandi
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
