A Crossroads

[Can it work]

Sometimes I think things can hurt a little too much to even come on here and share them. I'm sure that most people on here have had their fair share of hurt though so I'm returning in the hope of finding something. I don't know what. A bit of moral support will probably all that's available.

The time has now arrived in my sitch that I truly consider my M over. Part of it's by circumstance, part by my own choice. I can no longer go on with hope in my heart as I can't cope with it getting broken all over again at every turn just when I think things are showing signs of improving.

I was out with a couple of my friends on Friday night for a couple of quiet drinks when my W was supposed to have Wee Man for the night. When I was on my way home I was more than a bit shocked and horrified to see my W all over some guy in the street across from a food place. I didn't know what to do. It ended up that I just walked away before I really did something I regret. Anyway, I was picking up Wee Man the next morning and I couldn't help but mention the fact that I'd seen her and thought she could have been a bit more subtle. I had been convinced the previous night that she had in fact seen me but continued anyway. I was hurt, and that's the understatement of the century.

On Sunday when my W was picking up Wee Man I decided that it was time to have a talk with her. I've been good since we separated more than 7 months ago and haven't brought the R up at all. Anyway, I had to lay it on the line. I had to find out if she thought there was anything still there that we may possibly be able to work on. She said absolutely not and she didn't think there would be at any time in the future. She's moved on. In a way I needed to hear that so I myself could move on.

The truth of the matter is that I'm lonely. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of friends to keep me company every now and again but I need someone to share my feelings with. I need someone to show me love without walking all over my heart. Mostly, I need someone who appreciates me for who I am.

I also worry about my son. What kind of world is he being brought in to where his mother can act like that in the middle of the street? I've seen her do it once. How often is it happening that I don't know about?

I've been getting closer to one of my female friends although nothing has happened between us. I've always had my barrier up since I always thought there may still be a hope for my W and I. I think it may be time to let my barrier down though. I'm not talking about jumping straight in to another R, just not shutting myself off from the possibility like I have been.

Kev