She says she wants a seperation which I think is a good idea - I'd like her to leave but she won't.
I'm really thinking all posters on here that keep putting up with this are amazing.
Someone wrote you feel like a doormat at times and thats how I feel. I mean what sane person puts up with what is going on and I bet it gets worse.
As for not talking to anyone I find that very hard. Its like I need to let it out.
Steve, I need to get to the grocery store so I will be quick (quick for me, anyway!).
DO NOT let her persuade you to move out of your home! She has no right to do so whatsoever. I don't know anything about the legalities where you are, but I hear that in general you can't be forced out legally except in D process.
Yes, thanks, we ARE all amazing! <bows> We just wish that were as clear to our WAS's as it is to everyone else!
Yes, it will get worse. I hate to have to say that, but you can take it to the bank. You have to choose your battles, or you will have total WWIII on your hands.
As for talking to other people, I know exactly what you mean...I was pretty indiscriminate in who I talked to--I almost felt like it was a compulsion for me to talk about it to anyone who said, "Hi, how are you?" That was a bad choice, which I now regret. Not saying don't talk to anyone, just be very careful who you say what to. Find a few people in your RL who you are sure you can trust, preferably professionals (C, minister, etc.), and let it all out with them. With the exception of professionals who have to follow strict privacy rules, you have to keep in mind that anything you say MIGHT get back to your WAS, so you have to be extremely careful. You will have friends and family members who will be totally loyal and supportive to you...but at the beginning, you don't know which friends/family will fall into that category, so you have to be careful what you say, because people you thought would be on your side may turn out to be totally the opposite. I have had it happen to me, and so have a lot of others here. I just don't want you to get burned.
Also...although I am all about men and women having an equal say about financial matters that affect them, I would be very cautious about letting her have total control of the finances right now, because this much I know: MLCers go through money like alcoholics go through beer. And they often blow huge wads of it on OP. My H spent a FULL TENTH of his gross income on OW in the first year of their R. Not net income...the share that went to OW came out to about 1/8 of our total net household income that year; I'm pretty sure H spent at least twice as much on OW as we spent total for all 3 of our "fur children" (cats), who actually live here in the household and have a right to our financial care of them. You will not believe how much money MLCers squander until you see it yourself, so don't get all "domineering H," but be extremely careful about handing over the purse strings to her. Maybe you could come up with a budget that allows each of you an equal amount every month to spend without accounting to the other, I dunno...even that is tricky under the circumstances.
Well, I said this was going to be quick, so I am stopping the flow of advice and going to get some groceries now!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
