I said that out of frusturation. Of course I would not touch her or do anything unless she said it was ok.
The bottom line is I am clearly not ready for a reconciliation at this point. Things haven't changed because I still need to make changes. I wouldn't be ready today if she came back. After the way this week has gone, I see that.
I am listening to codependent no more right now.
I guess I have been going out to eat more lately because I have built up some money and I don't just want to stay home in the apartment. But other than sushi now and then, I eat pretty cheap. But yes, I could cut that out to. I actually don't eat breakfast or lunch anymore. So it is really one meal a day for me and not much cost wise. That helps keep the weight off to. I will admit by the time dinner rolls around, I am ready to eat. But I don't eat a ton. Tonight I had a $5 subway footlong.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
If you have built up some money and can afford to use it to eat out, then use that "built up money" to get both your girls AND you in counseling.
If you dont like eating at home alone then pack a dinner and go sit in the park and eat. Voluntee at an old folks home and eat with them.
There isnt a reason in the world you cant be in AA, counseling and still consult w/your priest. It wouldnt be too much. Counseling would most probably be weekly at first and as you progress it would be bi-weekly or maybe once a month. Certainly your priest could be flexible and AA meetings are available in most major cities almost around the clock. Yup, its LOTS of work but doable and necessary.
Eating one meal a day is not taking care of yourself yet on the other hand you say you need to get in better physical shape. You are a constant contradiction. Your body and mind need fuel.
Learn to coupon, learn to match the sales flyers up w/your coupons, plant a container garden so you have an assortment of fresh veggies and herbs and stop eating so much crap. It will allow you to be healthier AND save money.
Was rolling your eyes about your kids school clothes and supplies a helpful thing? No. Was rolling your eyes about your W's fantasty football team a nice thing? No. You get so angry and hurt when your W is cold to you, yet you do the same thing to her on a constant basis.
The clothes/school supplies issues could have been an opportunity for the two of you to work together. Do you think she will be keen on making it a "team effort" after the reaction she saw from you?
And really, stop telling your W you love her. Do not touch your W or violate her personal space unless she is being physically attacked and you witness it.
Your kids have basically begged for help and you havent done a thing about it. Now, on top of the divorce, being shifted back and forth weekly AND both of them going to different schools (one being in middle school which is a huge transaction) you are still lagging.
Over the past 19 months I have contacted many counselors and NEVER have I had trouble getting them to call me back. It makes me wonder if you ever really made that call or not.
Aside from the C'ing for you and your kids, AA and your spiritual counseling there are many things you could and should be doing and you just wont. Its not even the GAL stuff either. You dont eat properly, you waste money when all we hear about is how much higher your W's income is than yours and you have an excuse about everything.
Have you made the budget that we spoke about months ago? Had you done that maybe you could see the amount of money you waste and how it could be better spent to better your life and the life of your children.
Eating alone sucks sometimes. I take my dinner and my dog to the park or lake and eat there. Its nice to people watch and its a FREE change of pace.
I am sorry but sometimes you really frustrate me to no end as there is *always* a reason why something cant happen with you. And you always have somthing to say about your W when you do the SAME things to her.
Think about it. I would post budgeting programs for you (free) and sites that help you match up weekly sales flyers and coupons to print (free) but everytime I do post a resource you never follow up.
You remind me of my H - he does the same thing over and over again, apologizes and says he knows he needs to work on it, never works on it and the cycle repeats. And he wonders why I *had* to remove him from my life. It gets old. It gets old like a wrinkly raisin you found under the sofa from a year ago.
You remind me of my H - he does the same thing over and over again, apologizes and says he knows he needs to work on it, never works on it and the cycle repeats. And he wonders why I *had* to remove him from my life. It gets old. It gets old like a wrinkly raisin you found under the sofa from a year ago.
AMEN! Seriously Kevin. "You're not ready for a reconciliation???" Did I just read that?
You're lucky you can come within 100 feet of her. Keep it up and you won't.
I just sent W a text saying we need to discuss putting the girls back in C.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I think I cleared things up with W. We spoke. I explained that I was going for D7's arm and I would not touch her unless given permission. I said I know better than that.
I also told her to go ahead and trade in the van and I would sign over the title to make sure she is taken care of. I also said I would go with her to make sure they don't screw her over on the paper work as she has not done this before. She said thank you and that she would appreciate that.
I also said lets work together on the school supplies and clothes and knock that out this weekend. I said I am on board with her and lets get it done together. She was happy about that to.
We will shop together for the clothes and she will just pick up the supplies separately.
We discussed C for the girls and she agrees they need to go back into it. She is just worried about her finances right now with being so behind on rent and having to get another vehcile. She finally paid through June last night and still has to pay for July and August. I said I understand.
I am moving forward with it anyways.
I think we are at least good now and she knows I was not trying to pull anything. Hopefully from this point on I can build my legos one peice at a time.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I'm going to AA again tonight. I did not want to take D7 last night and leave her in a room by herself. But I do not have her tonight. Once D11 is back this weekend, I will take both of them and let them stay in the room together. D7 is just to dependent on D11 or someone else to stay in a room by herself. She won't do it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Any advice? Did I do ok in clearing up things with W and making amends for it? Does this allow me some kind of starting to put the legos together again?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
The only "Legos" that you need to put together right now are with yourself. Go to AA do the things you need to do. Don't pressure your W with trying to put things back together. Let her come to you on that if it is going to happen.
"Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Well yes, but I mean as far as pulling myself out of the immediate fire with her also.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
