we arent in the same state!!

[bluerain]

Hi Mary, sorry things have gotten bad enough for you to be here.

Boy, lots of military people on here! My H is in another state, hes in Va and Im in Ak. The changes that you are going to be making are for YOU. Not for him, if you try to change for him, it wont be real anyway, temporary at best. And he will notice, he will be able to sense your improved attitude when you communicate, he will be able to tell you desperation has ended when you stop contacting him, he will notice the changes.

And if he doesnt, you will still be the better person for it. Thats the point of DBing, to grow through this heart rending experience. To make positive changes in yourself and to gain understanding in your M, or maybe in your next M!

And these changes will help you to feel more in control of whats happening to you. Dont forget that you cant make up his mind for him, you cant show him something that he doesnt want to see, or reason with him if he doesnt want to hear it. You cant run his life, but you can run yours, make it excellent! Is there something that you have always wanted to do, but have waited? Learn to ride a motorcycle, go white water rafting, take a cake decorating class! Quit trying to talk sense into him, hell think that your nagging and it will push him further away.

By the way, new car, total dissatisfaction with his entire life, sounds like an MLC to me. As bad as it is right now, it will end, it may take a long time, but he will come to his senses, now you get to decide where you want to be when that happens.