LL, I can hear the frustration in you posts. You sound torn between wanting your M and expecting more than what your getting from your H. Marriage can and does survive alot of things, but I think boredom breeds problems. I think I can say this out of experience. My H was tired of me being depressed and never wating to do anything. I thought things would always be ok no matter what. I was dead wrong. I'm not sure what to tell you to do to get your H up off that couch. It's very difficult to get someone to change when they don't want to, or they don't even see the need. You've talked about leaving the BB, but I think you need support now just as much as before. Just IMHO. What if YOU made plans for the two of you? Would he go? I know....you want him to initiate them. It doesn't sound like that gonna happen right now. It doesn't mean it can't change. I know you feel like giving up and your just trying as best you can to be happy with the status Quo. It doesn't sound like its working very well for you. What if you left him to his sports and made plans to go out without him? Tell him in a nice way that you know that's what he enjoys doing, but it's not your cup of tea. Seeing you go off a few nights a week might make him sit up and take notice. In Michele's book she talks about how to get men to do things different by what WE do. We all know nagging or begging does NOT work. We have to be creative, and most of all, independant enough to mkae ourselves happy. It's clear, you want your M and your H is not making you happy with his actions. Do your best to make your own happiness, do things YOU like. After you've had a fun night out, your less likely to resent him so much. Hopefully, he will start wanting to see what your up to, and having such a great time doing. Even if he doesn't, YOU will have taken the steps to take care of yourself and your own happiness. Take a painting class, dancing classes, go to movies with friends or family. I'm going to practice what I preach and do the same. I need to do more for me and stop waiting around for my H. to decide he wants me bad enough to recommit. I want him and love him, but he's not my EVERYTHING anymore. I'm not sure I've helped you at all, but I do care. I fear the same thing that your going through. If we get back together, I want more than what we had. A large part of that has to come from me doing things differently. Leave Hubby on the couch and go! It can't be any worse than what your experiencing now. It just might really help your PMA. Something we could ALL use. Whaddaya think?? Rachael
