thank you for you kind words. I know that I am lucky that h did have it in him to come home and try...I wish that I had it in me to get beyond the fact that he left.
Are things horrible here? no, not at all. Am I justified in some of my complaints about this r, sure. I do know that most of my complaining is born out of some crazy idea that I deserve better than what happend.
There have been times when I've sat like others and tried to find blame in myself for h's indiscretion, when the fact of the matter remains that none of it was my fault. Did I always handle myself appropriately and lovingly? no, heck I'm human after all aren't I.
What it comes down to is all the stressors were there for h and he freaked...why it ended up being an a and his leaving I don't know but it did.
We had just built a home, I had started asking for a second child etc etc. the typical reasons for affairs. what kind of affair was it? well I'd like to belive h that it was not physical and most of the time I do believe him..unfortunatley I am surronded by a world that doesn't.
I suppose I'm just dissapointed in h that he couldn't come to me, that he couldn't express his fears to me and instead chose to hide in an illussionary world w ow and then avoid me.
Will we get beyond it all..sure I think in a lot of ways we already have.
We are going away this weekend to celebrate our anniversary..I don't know what anniversary to count it as since we didn't celebrate last years. I'm saddend by the fact that I don't feel a marriage...I lost the one I had.
