Lostlove,

I know I have not kept up with you too much lately, but let me tell you, I will miss you if you leave this place. I will never forget that you were the one who held my hand through my darkest hours and longest days. Said you would keep checking in on me cause you were home with the kiddos anyway! Thank you. You will always have a place in my heart {{{{{{{{{{{{{LL}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It is almost a year since my H left, and although I drew many similarities between your H and mine initially, there ended up being one huge difference. Your H had what it took to come back and try. To me, that says a lot about him and his integrity. I know it hasn't been an easy ride for you, but I pray that over time, you will grow to that place of peaceful contentment together. You are still in a difficult phase. Still sorting through what went wrong for a while, still having the stress of very young children.

Maybe I can offer you some inspiration...I spent last weekend with some close girlfriends. I say close, because we have known each other for years and years, but we don't all get together often cause of our busy lives. Our kids are all in the 7-10 range now. The last time I spoke with a couple of the girls, they were each struggling in their M's. I was truly worried that they were heading in the same direction I have ended up going. As it happens, over the last year or so, things have come together for both of them and their H's. At one point, one of them had not had sex with her H for about 7 years (if that isn't a bad sign, I don't know what is!) Last time we talked about her M (before this), she was looking for the name of a good counsellor. Well, it seems she found her good counsellor, they went, and things are getting back on track. The other friend always thought her H was too mild for her...felt she needed more excitement (although she never went looking for anything more). Now that their kids are growing up a bit, she appreciates him for who he is...she told me he has proven himself to her over and over.

It seems to me that if a couple can get over the hump that happens when kids come along and change their whole world, they stand a good chance of growing together. Of course there are examples on this bb that would prove me wrong, but maybe they never dealt with their hurdle then and it jumped up to bite them in the butt later? You and your H are dealing with the hurdle now. Head on. So like I said, it may take time, but I really hope you and your H find that place of contentment together. I think you have seen glimpses of it already.

Anyway, I think you are a wonderful, passionate and kind person who is not afraid to speak her mind. Your H is a lucky man, whether he acknowledges that all the time or not!

Love ya!

rj