I should probably have left the board when h came home but for whatever reasons I've kept posting.
I'm finding that keeping my own threads serves little to no purpose...it's simply a place for me to express how blah I at times feel about my marriage.
So then what is the state of my marriage?
dammed if I know.
it would seem to me that h is perfectly content with the status quo as long as I don't complain or ask for anything more that what is given...but then again that's pretty much how I felt before and during h's a anyway so is there really a difference now and why should I expect things to be different?
will this m survive the test of time? well as long as I keep telling myself things wouldn't be better with anyone else or rather what would be better would cost the loss of what aint so bad here? or are those h's words? the infamous "if you think you can do better go find someone"
am I a waw who just doesn't go away? maybe
do I want to be a waw? certainly not
do I want more out of my m and my life than what is currently occuring? you bet.
does h want more out of life than the current way? nope! his words...he's happy to go to work and just come home and relax...relax meaning turn on the ball game (and lord knows there's always something on via satelite) and fall asleep.
so it seems I am stuck in a time warp...
but then that is just who h is (his words)
pathetic way to exist if you asked me..maybe I'm just as pathetic for accepting it...but that is the american way isn't it.
I've always said I'd rather live in a shack and be happy than live in a castle alone...looks like I'll be living in the castle with the illusion of not being alone.
as has always been my fear...I will continue on making my own life while living here with h...accepting his crumbs now and then...eventually I will have such a full life that I wont desire to spend time with him and perhaps the tables will turn...oh well there'll always be his sports to keep him happy.
