Whichever path you choose you have my support. It sounds like now things are out in the open it has forced him to act, it may even be a relief for him. I can't imagine how stressful it must be leading a double life (don't get me wrong I have no sympathy, they brought it on themselves, just merely an observation).
I do think your h needs to feel the full force of his actions. I like what Lisa said, he has to see what he has done and then we'll see. At the end of the day he is your husband, it is your family and most importantly your decision.
I am not thinking of giving him another chance. I am in no dilemma what to do. He crossed every limit, lying and calling me crazy of suspecting her to be the one. The gory details of how he [censored] her and how she did him, will haunt me for some time. But i am not jealous of that, sex for me is wonderful when there are only 2 involved. Unfiltered communication between an illegal couple can be very passionate, I can tell you that...
I just cant shake the scene in my head, where they meet, do what they do, he washes and walks in MY home, hugs our kids and smiles at me, then goes to the bathroom to text (he was "playing" games) and next day and next day, and then at night he wakes me to f@ck me (because he WAS NOT making love to me for sure), so I end up being the sorry wife who gets a sorry f@ck just to shake suspicions away. For 2 years the same story.
I am mad at him, for endangering my health and for hurting me again... I remember saying over and over again : "if you are in love, no use trying this, think of our kids, think of me and just lets divorce on friendly terms..." I must have said that AND mentioned her in specific for at least 30 times...
He is dead for me. He will be begging for forgiveness soon but I wont give it to him. It will take a lot of time for that, if ever.
Someone told me once I dont know what true love is. I guess because my reality was soooo ....sick for the last 13 years, if I find it now I will know. K
I wonder if he DID "let" you find that information. If it was the only way he could see to end the cycle of lies he's been living for so long.
Strangely, they often do this when they want the affair to end, not the marriage.
Now you have proof of what you've always "known" and he never had to find the words to tell you. You know what you were fighting for so long. Clarity and justification for any actions you've contemplated regarding the demise of your marriage. Almost a gift in a sick kind of way.....
I don't believe he "let her find the info". If he had left it out for her, he would have deleted a lot of it first. He was saving his dirty laundry for himself, and didn't expect anyone else to get into it.
I still sit here in stunned silence thinking of what your H did. All the denials and blame he used to keep his dirty secret. It all hits a little too close to home to keep my emotions at bay. I know you know this already, but you have my full support!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
When I called him and told him to come over, that I knew all about paris etc etc he said I was nuts. When I mentioned her name, he said "for Christs name, you are stuck on that woman arent you", when I told him details, he shut up.
Later he said he left the account open. The PC was off. My kids turned it off. But the account he logged on was his official one, with only 2 emails re work from her (remember she was a friend, they were still in touch) and her account from which he had logged off. From her account using the password I had, I found she sent many emails to a guy with an unknown name, but when I opened the emails, it was his name, my name, our kids names. I then hacked that secret account with the 2 secret question I knew the answers for (name of his parents house street etc etc) and that's where I found pics, details, emails, the whole story... No, he didnt want me to know. He would at least had erased the bed pictures and the emails about sucking each other's...
My kids took a picture and wanted to sent it to him, I still say "daddy" etc etc but it is hard. I wrote "from the kids" and sent it.
"I dont know what to say, only I am sorry. I cant change the past. I am glad to see my kids smiling and thank you because you are the only one responsible for their smiles"
That's the answer I got, I replied : you were busy tearing them apart over and over again, just 'like you did your GF" and dont be gracious to me now, it's cheap to do after you got caught and were humiliated"
You are right. You were not supposed to find it. He got careless. The way he was lying and dodging up to the end is telling, I think. He still was trying to convince you that you were crazy. But you little voice was right all along.
You just take care of yourself, and those two little ones! He might want you to help him feel better, but that sure isn't your problem!
