You said "my" children....is he not the father? I figured with such a long standing relationship, he is....am I wrong? Mostly curious.
If you are looking for books to read now that school is almost done for you FOREVER, try "How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It". Very insightful as to how men and women work and think. What drives us.
One of the things in the book is that the high majority of men who leave their marriages have some one lined up or they have their eye on someone. The very high majority of men who leave their marriages leave with an attitude of "Well, if this other thing doesn't work out I can always just go back home." My H fit both categories.
My sitch is getting better. I'm getting better. I'm sure we will have more blow outs before and if we officially reconcile, but I'm better equipped for all of it, I hope.
We've been separated since mid November. And basically, it sucks. But not 100%. There's been a lot of growing for me. I told my H not too long ago, "I think unfortunately all of this had to happen....I wasn't hearing you and this definitely got my attention." Truly, I was not the best wife. I KILLS me to admit this, but it's true. I used to be the best wife, but then I had our son, I changed careers and I became very wrapped up in so many other things and H was put on the back burner. It breaks my heart that he did try to tell me, he did try to get my attention and I just really make the decision to NOT hear him.
Now, I'm not saying I'm happy about H's EA/PA while we were separated or that it was right. I do see it as cheating, but I know that for H, when he left, he was pretty sure he wanted a divorce. For two weeks in January, he would have signed the papers if we could have afforded a divorce and again, in late April, early May, things hit the fan and his OW was REALLY yanking his chain then too.
I did throw in the towel. I have friends who ran and picked that towel back up and forced me to go on. They truly carried me when I just wanted it all to end.
I did try to walk away, but it was much harder with a child between us that both of us love very very much. Through all of this he's been a great to freaking great dad.
You feel like you are wasting energy....well, it's going to be energy to meet someone else. And what if he turns out to be a douche bag, even bigger than how your H is acting now? What if this is what you and your H had to go through too, like me and mine? It sucks. I know. It sucks the big one. But, I do believe MWD when she says marriages that survive this are so much stronger on the other side. I think more people would stay together if they understood the better comes after the worse and it's worth it. That's a quote I read somewhere, not verbatim. But you get the idea.
Now that you have school ending, it's time to really GAL and show him you are the greener grass. You are the woman millions of men would want to be with. You really are better than this other woman. You and I both know this.
My H's OW showed her true colors....it was just a matter of time and he was truly dissappointed and disgusted. So much so, he called her some colorful names. This OW will do the same. You just have to let her.
And if you want, you have every right to ask that your children not meet her yet. If you aren't comfortable with it just yet, then say so. Yes, you aren't supposed to talk about OW, but there are situations and times when you might have to. My H's OW had no interest in my S and had even less interest in being a step mother and made that pretty clear so I was lucky there.
