My Wifes MLC

[d1adsl5a]

Steve: I am on the Walk away Spouse page. Probably should have posted over here. Your situtation is exactly like mine. It was three months ago.

-Wife came home and didn't want to be married anymore.
-On facebook, reconnected with her old crew from her premarriage days. Going out all the time with them. Getting less frequent lately.
-Stopped wanting to go to Marriage counseling after 3 sessions
-Blames me for everything that has gone on in marriage.
-Mainly I was controlling. She wants to make her own decisions.
-I did everything you are not supposed to do in the last 3 months. Wrote prolific letters, tried to talk about relationship. Use the kids as guilt levers. Got family involved. Nothing has worked.
-I threw my changes in her face. Told her I am doing all the changing, she hasn't done anything but get a tattoo.
-Lost 10 pounds. Am 5'9, 150.(was 160lbs). I can't lose much more.
-Her family thinks she is crazy, her friends think she is crazy, my family thinks she is crazy.
-Nothing I have said or done has worked.
-So--After 3 months
--I workout every morning, I joined a boxing class also.
--I started cooking
--I bought some new casual clothes to go out in.
--I bought cologne--1st time in 15 years
--I have been going out more, doing more with the kids
--Always looking my best at home.

I do feel better about myself. I am only going on day 4 since my last relationship discussion. Where she proceeded to say she still wants a divorce. The next day she told me she didn't regret what she said, but she fired her therapist because she is leading her towards divorce. Then she invited me to a fundraiser for our anniversary on 8-27. She hasn't filed. I am not filing. I plan on giving it a year. It has only been 3 months. I am still hopeful that she will wake up one day and figure it out. For every story I hear where it hasn't worked out, I hear one that did. On this site, you see alot of people like me and you. Not many success stories. Why, I feel they have moved on. This is for people like us to talk through their issues. I have every hope that this will work out. As crazy and mean as my wife is, I still love her. We have been married 15 years. I have to give this every opportunity to work for us and our kids. Don't want to go through life saying what if.

-You will get your appettite back. You will sleep again. I actually had horrible insomina the year leading up to this. I firmly believe that I knew something was wrong the last year which is why I had the sleep issues. I kept wanting to kick it to be the person she wanted me to be. It just kept getting worse. Since this has happened, I haven't had insomnia. I still take a little ambien at night, but the real key is that I do sleep on the couch more. I get up in middle of night and go upstairs mostly. But I don't have to lay next to her before I go to sleep. Your mind will just whip up into a frenzy and you wont sleep.

Some days are good, some are real bad. Find a few friends you can talk to. I do go to therapy. I am also one session into a three session DB coaching session. I have read everybook on an MLC.

If you think there is value in your marriage, just keep telling yourself it is not how hard you hit, it is about when you keep getting knocked down and you are able to get up and keeping going. This process is week by week, day by day, hour by hour. Good luck and hang in there.