take yourself off of his roller coaster...and just take anything and everything at face value - no expectations, no assumptions, no analyzing - it will help you protect yourself and your emotions. It's hard to get there - but being detached, even with love, can be so very healthy for you.
Don't try to make sense of why he's driving off like he's mad...maybe he is, maybe he isn't...either way...you still have to be the same person for yourself and your kids...For me it was about discovering a healthy way to focus on myself - without feeling like I was being self-centered.
And remember, the next time he tells you an ILY, just tell him "yeah, and I love me now too. Thanks for reminding me why that's important."
Hope your day goes well too!
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Thank you Deep...I would love to be able to say that however not sure I have it in me...I am the consumate people pleaser and won't say anything to hurt anyones' feelings unless I absolutely have to...Took all I had to be businesslike yesterday when he was here
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Thank you Deep...I would love to be able to say that however not sure I have it in me...I am the consumate people pleaser and won't say anything to hurt anyones' feelings unless I absolutely have to...Took all I had to be businesslike yesterday when he was here
Try it; you might find you like it. Maybe start out with, "Thanks, I love me too."
You know, other people's happiness isn't your responsibility. Will you sacrifice yourself and your own happiness forever so that you can act in a way that is pleasing to others? I've watched my H martyr himself for years...it was such a source of his personal unhappiness. He's better than he used to be...but my boundary was that he couldn't drag me into his crazy.
I do things to please other people all the time, but I do things that please me simultaneously. I'll make a smoothie and offer my H some; he's happy I did something for him (big gifts and acts of service guy), and I'm making a cup of joy for myself. But I won't sacrifice myself for anyone else...uh uh.
It's okay to say you love yourself. It's okay not to reply as you're "supposed" to. Being "nice" is no substitute for being completely authentic and true to yourself.
Live truthfully. It's tough at first, but since I rarely compromise who I am anymore, I have no regrets or worries. Others' opinions about me and what I do are THEIR business, not mine.
Besides, your H is baiting you. Keep you on the hook because he's a big chicken and not really sure what he wants. So he keeps tossing you little pieces in the hope you'll keep worrying over him.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.
This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.
The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
Carolyn Carty, 1963
It is an excellent reminder of how much the Lord loves us. God bless!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I love that poem, have seen it around for years and think of it often.
Serenity I too have a problem pleasing others, but am working on it. Have gotten better but still working. Good advice in SD's post, I needed to read that. Thanks!
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
