I am not thinking of giving him another chance. I am in no dilemma what to do. He crossed every limit, lying and calling me crazy of suspecting her to be the one. The gory details of how he [censored] her and how she did him, will haunt me for some time. But i am not jealous of that, sex for me is wonderful when there are only 2 involved. Unfiltered communication between an illegal couple can be very passionate, I can tell you that...
I just cant shake the scene in my head, where they meet, do what they do, he washes and walks in MY home, hugs our kids and smiles at me, then goes to the bathroom to text (he was "playing" games) and next day and next day, and then at night he wakes me to f@ck me (because he WAS NOT making love to me for sure), so I end up being the sorry wife who gets a sorry f@ck just to shake suspicions away. For 2 years the same story.
I am mad at him, for endangering my health and for hurting me again... I remember saying over and over again : "if you are in love, no use trying this, think of our kids, think of me and just lets divorce on friendly terms..." I must have said that AND mentioned her in specific for at least 30 times...
He is dead for me. He will be begging for forgiveness soon but I wont give it to him. It will take a lot of time for that, if ever.
Someone told me once I dont know what true love is. I guess because my reality was soooo ....sick for the last 13 years, if I find it now I will know. K
