Your reminders to know what I want in a R are hitting home with me.
I have made the choice to unconditionally love my husband (or ex-husband) and put my family back together. Every time I try to completely detach and move on I get pulled back to this. I know in my heart that it is the right thing for me. But it takes courage and patience to stay the course.
At times I do think to myself "What am I doing? WHY do I want to be with someone who does not want to be with me?" Should I move on and date someone else, hoping that the feelings will follow?
He has commented to a friend that maybe he should just "bite the bullet" and get back together with me. Why would I want that? Can't I see that I deserve to be with someone who loves me and WANTS to be with me?
I do need to talk to my kids everyday. They are 8 and 10. I try to be positive with their time with their dad. He was not really around before (during our M) because he was always working. It is hard for me to not be with them all the time because I imagined that we would be together alone after the D. That has not been the case. He has become a more attentive father and my kids love it.
I have slipped and spoken to him about personal things. He has asked me repeatedly about the "date" and pressed for details even though I did not confirm that there was one. He then said, "That's why I'm not with you. You can't give me a straight answer without a debate. (OW) would have just answered the question without getting into a fight." That crushed me and I told him that there was no date, I just did not want to talk about those things with him. Don't know what effect that had on him.
My kids are going to his sister's house with his mom for 5 days. I would LOVE to go do something fun, non-drama, with him. I did ask him if I could stay at the house while they are gone, since he only stays there when he has the kids and lives the rest of the time with the OW. I said I just wanted some time alone to think about things and would appreciate it. He said that would be ok if nobody else knew. He also said that he would be staying there part of the time too and that he had already told OW that. I said to just let me know what days he would not be there. I also asked if he wanted to get together while the kids were gone (SHOOT ME!!) and he said that would be ok. I told him either you want to or you don't and either is fine with me, I just don't want the drama. We will see what happens. I will not call him today ... I PROMISE!
