Seems like you're drifting off the reservation a bit here. Don't swing a 2x4 often, but here it comes.
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Well, when W came home tonight, she burst into tears when she entered the house. Told me how she is so sad, how she can't bear to lose me, doesn't want't find a new place to live, is dreading telling the boys.
Uh, well that's too bad. I'm not looking forward to any of that either.
So she can't bear to lose you, but, well, she's gonna do it anyway?
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Well, I told her in any event she's not going to lose me.
NOOOOOOO! Come on man. The whole idea is to give her the impression you are moving on and will be great without her. THAT's what draws her back. You just gave her a free pass to do whatever she wants with no consequence. You need her to feel the pressure, not relieve it.
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I shouldn't say this, but it's because I love you, unconditionally.
Trust me, she knows that.
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She asked me if I'd "signed up for the club", I think is how she put it - asking if I was back on this message board.
I wouldn't tell her anything more about this board or anything about DB. That's for YOU, not her.
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She's so conflicted that she's going to lose me - by leaving. I know I've got to leave her to figure it out on her own.
I don't think she is conflicted she's going to lose you - you told her she won't. That doesn't push her to deal with her conflict.
Bill, I understand why you are doing what you are doing. You love her. But, what you are doing right now is not likely to bring her back. She doesn't need your compassion right now. She needs tough love. She knows you love her and you want to work on the M. What she needs to understand is that there ARE consequences for what she wants to do - consequences for her, you and the kids. And one of those consequences is you will no longer be her husband.
Sorry if that came off too strong. But that's what I think.
