Rather than complain that your W isn't your lover, WHEN YOU AREN'T HERS EITHER, why not try being her lover?
You keep wanting her to act like your lover when you are unwilling to treat her in the same way. It is clear that she isn't going to initiate a sexual R. And, at this point, it seems pretty clear that you aren't willing to do so either.
If you are willing to view other women as sexual beings, pursue them, fantasize about them, flirt with them, and presumably before too long try to seduce them and demonstrate your passion for them, then why won't you do this for your wife?
