Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Hi Sara,

I agree with the idea of starting the discussion in an open minded way, and listening to her answers and adjusting the response accordingly.

Based on experience, I can almost predict her response: "It's no big deal" (it is to me) "we're just friends, and it doesn't mean anything. I'm not still chasing him." (Baloney) "I can do what I want" "It's not like we are really married right now" (Yes we are, but W is actively pushing me away)

Also, since she has in the past agreed to delete him and has committed to no contact, I have to hold on to that. There is a reason I demanded it initially, and it would eat me alive to back down on it.

Unless her answer really surprises me ans is somehow believable, reasonable and not destructive to our M, I have to request that she delete him again.

So, she might surprise me by immediately apolgizing and agreeing to delete him again, (in which case I have to wonder about whether I want to be in an R where I have to control her this way) but most likely the question will lead to a big discussion about the R and our future.

I have to plan how I act and respond in this case. Unless I swallow my needs and back down, I see little chance that this discussion won't become a confrontation.

The majority of my thoughts right now are around how am I going to respond. How much accomodation am I willing to make for the situation (pending retro and her mom), knowing that this most likely weakens me in her eyesa, vs how strongly do I want to react, enforce the boundary, and take charge of my own destiny.