I can only go by what you post here -- that's all ANY of us have to work on -- and you continue to come across as being too enabling/doormattish. Maybe your interactions with her are different, I don't know.
This, however, comes real close to what you want to be doing:
Quote:
I also did a 180. She had been giving me hugs before she went to her room. I told her last night, "as much as I love your hugs, I just can't feel good about them unless we're working together on our marriage." She said "well I'm only giving them because you said it made you feel better." I said, "yes, but not any more unless we're working on our marriage."
I LOVE the way you started that exchange, but would recommend that you twist it slightly different:
"I also did a 180. She had been giving me hugs before she went to her room. I told her last night, "as much as I love your hugs, I just can't feel good about them unless we're working together on our marriage." She said "well I'm only giving them because you said it made you feel better." I said,
"I understand, and I've changed my mind on that as I feel much stronger now."
